In my 3 years of blogging about personal finance I’ve learned that there are several behaviors or emotions that drive how you approach you money: fear, nervousness, pride, and ego. Until you acknowledge the role of whatever behaviors are driving your behavior you won’t be able to move ahead.
One of the biggest drivers of negative money decisions is Ego.
Ego is defined by Online Webster’s as:
Ego (Noun) : the opinion that you have about yourself. Psychology : a part of the mind that senses and adapts to the real world
With that description can you see how Ego can control your money choices? Here and 9 ways that your ego ruins your finances. And 9 ways to control that!
Ego/Desire Driven Habits and Thoughts
- Constantly needing to shop and be the most fashionable person in the room and having to purchase brand new clothes to make that happen. The biggest takeaway from my year (360 days) of not shopping is this-NO ONE notices what you wear. Period. I had a number of people who asked me more than once if what I was wearing was new. Even though I was clear that I wasn’t shopping. There are many ways to clothe yourself without breaking the bank: shop sales, go to the thrift store, or re-imagine the clothes that you currently have. I also want to briefly touch on the subject of thrift shopping. Why are people so nervous to do it? As long as you follow some key protocols you should be able to find some great new to you clothes, save money, and look great. At this point around 75% of my clothes are purchased from the thrift store. In fact, I just bought two dresses from Magical Goodwill for $6. If you’re uncomfortable with how people will perceive your thrift shopping just smile enigmatically and say you got whatever you’re wearing from a “cute little store that you discovered” and leave it at that.
- Resisting learning skills that could save you money such as cooking, gardening, or sewing. When I was 13 my mom wanted to spend time with me and teach me how to sew. I will never forget my response to that suggestion-“Why would I learn to sew if I can go to the mall?!” Teenagers. I recently asked my mom to teach me how to sew and she said that she doesn’t have the patience to teach me how to sew anymore. Sigh. Now I want to start making my clothes! In fact, I want to learn a number of skills that will save me money in the long run such as: Canning, gardening (done!), sewing, making soap/lotion/laundry detergent and the list goes on.I already know how to cook but if YOU don’t know how to cook I would strongly suggest adding learning how to cook to your own list. Knowing how to produce the goods and products that you use will not only save yo money, it will empower you as you work to save your money.
- People in My Circle Don’t….This one is huge. If you’re looking at trying to save money and adding new habits to your life and are hesitant to do this because people in your current circle “don’t” do whatever it is that you’re doing I would strongly encourage you to consider the following. The people in your circle don’t pay your bills either. If you’re trying to change your financial life you’re going to have to move past what the people in your circle do or don’t do.
- Being resistant to new ideas that could save you money. I’ve met people who are very uncomfortable with: thrift shopping, meal planning, learning to cook, or whatever else you can think of. I would like to say that whatever changes you’re resistant to don’t have to be forever. Some things can be embraced for a short period of time.
- Being “above” doing something-You know what I mean. You feel like you’re at a point in your life where you shouldn’t have to do certain things. Well, I have a Master’s Degree and I’ve recently cleaned super poo off of college student’s toilets, worked at Starbucks (with that degree) and the list goes on. I do have an ego, but Iwill do what I have to do to get ahead.
- Being Luxury Brand Dependent/focused-Brands are taking note of this brand dependency and creating new products to further reel you in. I recently read a NYTimes Article about a guy who loves Bentley car/cologne/shirts. I’m not saying that you can’t like a brand, but being super brand dependent is a way that many consumers stay broke. I always wonder what people are trying to prove when they’re flashing more than one label in an outfit. What are you trying to communicate to the world about your brand love? How much did you spend? Be smarter than the brands that you like. And yes, I do like certain brands but I’m not willing to go broke buying them. I always rock the deep, deep discount.
- Being distrustful of something new-I live in a building from 1925. It is old and quirky and built to last. I recently realized that it freaks me out how quickly new buildings are built. I seem to have a nervousness with that. But I do like lots of new things such as: the refrigerator that dispenses seltzer water, or some new cars. In the future I may be inclined to live in a newer building even though. I think it would not serve me well to be so distrustful of every new invention that is out there
- Being distrustful of something old-I live in an old building. I love where I live but it DOES have issues like anything that gets older. I’ve met many people who are very uncomfortable with older buildings/ etc. Sometimes embracing the old is a great way to save money. I save thousands of dollars by purchasing this property and it has grown substantially in value!
- Letting Pop Culture Trends dictate what you do-After about the age of 26 I think we should be able to manage our reactions to pop culture and what it subconsciously dictates to us
Some Ways To Control Your Ego
- Acknowledge your weaknesses-mine are fashion/food/and travel so I’m more likely to have an ego “trigger” related to how I present myself, my foodie habits, and travel habits. Because of that I have to be vigilant about keeping myself in safe situations that keep those triggers from happening.
- Look for way to experience a similar level of happiness without the financial pain. I still enjoy shopping, eating great food, and travel-but, I have to be honest about what I’m unwilling to give up. Instead, I figured out some work arounds so that I still can enjoy these loves. I just picked up two gorgeous dresses from Magical Goodwill. I paid $6 for both and one I’m hoping to wear to a wedding that I might be going to. It’s strapless and cream with gold accents (the bride will probably be wearing a dark color because she is a different culture!) I’m in love with that $3 dress that was probably worn once.
- Don’t be apologetic about what you’re doing-Own what you’re doing to create your best life and don’t apologize. In fact, Travis from Enemy of Debt just wrote a post discussing that very issue.
- Create a phrase/mantra to reflect on when people are giving you a hard time about your process “You’re not paying my: mortgage/groceries/rent/food/health insurance so I really don’t care what you think.” Keep this thought in your mind
- Find like minded people that you can share your goals/dreams/and challenges with. My family, friends, and my wonderful readers support me in my dreams. You pick me up when I stumble, you email me with encouraging words, and call me out when necessary. You help reassure me that the path I’ve chosen is the right one and are wonderful companions along the way.
Ultimately, if you aren’t in control of your ego-your ego will control you. As I start debt repayment 2.0 I am reminded of this.
Have You Had To Deal With Your or
Someone Else’s Ego?
**Reading Buddhist thoughts on Ego is very enlightening (no pun intended). There is mention of desire and ego going hand and hand. So maybe we have to manage our desires too?**
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I am an obsessive foodie, but not self-righteous with it, love travel, meeting new people, helping you look good, and am freaked out by people who don't enjoying reading...something! Grab a Perrier, read my blog, feel free to drop me a line! Hope to hear from you soon.
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I’ve had to deal with both 🙂 I find mantras work for myself and confronting others with constructive comments usually work well. I enjoyed reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, it was interesting to learn the many ways of how are egos sabotage us.
Ego is such a pain! I think I need to read A New Earth.
I should probably try thrift shopping more; it’s something I gave up on a while back. I’ll proudly tell people I thrift shop, so it’s not ego… I just have never found anything awesome. Part of the problem might be my size and fit (ex: I need tall/long pants) – so my sizes are super common thrift store finds. Even a few months ago I went to one looking for shoes and they didn’t have a single dress shoe in my huge size (11). I just get so frustrated at the wasted time!!! You and Mrs FW make me want to keep trying, though!
I have purchased shoes at the thrift store but I think that sometimes there is a place for buying a good pair online and on sale. I would probably just focus on finding a very good thrift store that consistently has good quality items. THEN, shop with intention when you need something.
Oh yes! We thought were were intelligent. Making sophisticated money moves. In fact, we were just digging a bigger and bigger whole. There are two egos to deal with in a marriage and we don’t all come to the realization that something needs to change at the same time. The last point (finding like minded support) is so important. Thanks for a great discussion topic!
I hadn’t even considered the 2 ego marriage situation. It just makes sense-there are 2 people! Ack! Will keep this in mind when I meet my future hubby LOL!