The signs were there all along. The scattering of co-workers when I entered the room, feeling on the defense all of the time, and a slight penchant for focusing on all of the crap that happened over a period of 8 years and basically ended 2 years ago may have been signs of a slight bitter streak.
The thing is with the exception of being extremely tired and burnt out from the commute the atmosphere at my job has improved tremendously. I have a great new boss, wonderful new colleagues who are committed to working as a team, and business is going well.
As we bring our new colleagues up to speed we would mention things that happened in the past. I wasn’t the only person that was doing but for the purposes of this post I will only reflect on my behavior.
Apparently, I’m my own worst enemy.
In many parts of my life I have aggressively been working on focusing on the future, trying to be positive, burning sage to clear any bad energy, and working to move my life forward. For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile you may have noticed my frustration with my work life. While I felt very blessed to work for a wonderful organization with great people-I wanted a life change. When you work a job for 10 years you get kind of tired.
I couldn’t see the proverbial forest from the trees. As I work through my .25 cent life coaching book and address a very long list of energy drains (outside of work) I’m amazed at how much happier I am at my job.
However, it’s clearly time for an attitude adjustment because one of my new colleagues said the following to myself and another colleague “People are going to have understand that the things that you’re upset about you might never get resolution on-move on or be left behind.” Ouch.
But, there is a lot truth in that statement. It’s important to note that feelings were hurt over a long period of time and that our mentioning past events is a process of “processing” how these experiences made us feel. However, constantly bringing up these issues also raises the possibility of being victims to past situations and I’m not interested in being a victim anymore.
I realized a couple of things about my work life in the past couple of months and just about my life in general-here they are:
- My work life is no longer the sole thing that I’m focused on. Thank God!
- On my list of priorities (Health, Friendships, Wealth, and Travel) wealth building as a result of work is third on my list. Instead I’m more interested on focusing on my top two priorities.
- I had a serious lack of life focus for a number of years due to being overwhelmed by debt!
- Debt affects you in more ways than you could ever realize. It was such a distraction. I still have debt now but as I get my life organized, and shift my focus to health and friendships I’m saddened by how much time I allowed myself to waste time worrying about money.
- I wasn’t content with what I had-and I have a lot!
- I dwelled WAY TOO much and for way too long on stuff that I couldn’t change. Sometimes you need to pray/meditate/chant on things and try to let them go.
Where I’m at now…
- I’m working through my energy drains! It’s unbelievable how many things I’ve been dealing with that are low grade distractions. Here are some examples: the infamous paper piles (not large ones) just the piles that you have to take time to deal with, the janky kitchen cabinet, the kitchen cabinet that was hung BACKWARDS prior to my purchasing my place, the shower handles, the shower head, too many clothes, not enough money saved, not dating, and there are a number of other items on the list. I started with a list of 20 items and it increased to 27 items. I’m happy to say that I’m making a lot of progress on the list and should have everything crossed off by the end of July.
- I’m working on my side business. A couple of years ago I had to acknowledge that part of my job hunting woes was that I didn’t want to continue doing the same type of work that I currently am doing but I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. Now, I know what I want to do next and am working on growing a developing my business as we speak. This has really changed how I feel about my job. I don’t feel like this is the only thing that I will do in my life. And believe me, after you work somewhere for 10 years that’s how you begin to feel.
- I’m working on my severe sleep deficit. I’m so damn tired. Wow. I’m working on getting quality sleep and shifting my schedule so that I’m well rested and can deal with the public in a professional and kind way.
- I requested time off so that I can take care of myself. I was auditioning for Superwoman apparently and trying to do it all. Apparently I can’t do everything and as a result I’ve gained weight and I’m exhausted. My goal for this summer is to really focus on resting so that I can be pleasant at work.
At the end of the day, I’m in a very different frame of mind and quite honestly work is just not something that I’m as focused on. In the grand scheme of life work is not going to greet me when I get home, hug me when I need one, or listen to me when I need someone to talk to after a difficult day.
It’s just a job. It’s not my life. Finally, I get it.
Do you have trouble dealing with keeping things balanced in our work focused culture? Have you experienced being the “bitter” girl/guy at work?
How did you deal with it? Any advice?
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Truly there is much more to life than just work! Holding onto events that happened long ago just ends up hurting you in the long run. It’s good that you’ve found ways to carve out more of the life that you want to experience.
I just decided that I’m over holding onto things that won’t move me forward. I’m super focused on being positive and getting things done. Being upset or angry about stuff that can’t be changed is a waste of time.
“It’s just a job. It’s not my life. Finally, I get it.” Great post!!
Thanks! I’m just working on letting things go. I have so many other things to focus on other than focusing on things that make me angry or frustrated. Such as waste! It will be a process though and I will have to journal somedays. But, I feel like letting go of things is like taking a weight off my shoulders.
Perspective really makes such a difference! I am glad you have arrived “here” and are moving forward to the life you want. I am also glad that debt is not keeping you bogged down either, I am sure that’s such a lifted weight.
Let’s just say that I’m no longer focused on it in the way that I was before. Now I have a workable plan, I’m focused, and if worse comes to worse I can sell my condo and pay everything off. So, now I have options. Also, I am truly blessed and compared to a lot of people out there I’m doing really well-even with the debt. I just lost perspective (even though I still have too much debt!)
My last job life was all about work. Now I’ve been at my new job for about six months and on a general note I’ve noticed that the culture is different. Life isn’t only about work!
You said it! Life is not just about work. I always thought this, but didn’t have the tools to manage my work life to reflect this view.
I’ve never really thought about making a list of everything that drains me. This is a good idea. I’m glad you are figuring things ( and yourself) out and getting balance again. I bet that by itself makes you feel a million times better.
Athena, I’m am so amazed by how many low grade annoyances I was dealing with by not dealing with them. As I work through my list I can’t believe how light I’m beginning to feel. I will do this 2 times a year from now on. The current list I’m working on is ridiculously long. But, I think it will be a lot more manageable in the future.