In the past year I’ve spend a lot of time working on myself: reading self-help books, eliminating unnecessary things in my life, focusing on being positive, making more money, and paying off debt.
So, it’s a little frustrating when I see my debt numbers jump up and I can’t account for a reason why (besides the obvious which is spending). I spend a lot of time on this blog pondering the “why” of spending. Why is it one person is super content with what they have and another not? Why do we want to keep up with the Joneses?
And, the current question of:
Why do I spend more when I get depressed?
This time it snuck up on me, stealthy and so subtle that I didn’t see it coming. It has been a very transformative year and I have in general made a lot of great strides. However, I think if I’m truly honest I have begun to really focus on “when is it going to be my turn?” What do I mean? Like a lot of people I would like to: Meet the One, have a teeny tiny, help out family, be debt free, and travel. I would love to lose this extra 30 pounds that I gained working my office job. I am tired of waiting for things to happen.
The irony of me being frustrated about these things is that I’ve made a lot of strides moving towards the things that I would like in my life.
So What’s Going On?
Maybe the question should be: What isn’t going on in my life that has triggered this mild depression? This year we had a baby boom in my circle of friends and one of my friends asked “why I didn’t make more of an effort to meet someone?” The thing is it didn’t used to be an effort. It was effortless. But everyday as I struggle to get out of bed I realize that things are getting a little dire in the Jackson household.
Luckily, I recognized that I was feeling depressed before it got even worse. I am making adjustments to address this issue and some of the other ongoing issues that have been bothering me. I have finally made some huge decisions on what I need to do to help manifest the changes I want in my life. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am being mindful to only use cash and to focus on gratitude and just let everything else that I can’t control just go…to the ether and stop worrying about what I can’t control.
I also believe in a holistic approach to my mental health so I have begun embracing exercise, yoga, and journaling to help process what is on my mind. I want to continue to attract healthy, positive people into my life.
Thankfully I am in a much better mental space than I used to be in before I started getting my debt under control, gaining clarity about what I want in my life and growing professionally in ways that I never expected.
I can’t even imagine how bad things would be if I hadn’t begun to address these issues a couple of years ago.
I also make a huge effort to go into nature everyday. I am lucky enough to be able to go hiking during my lunch breaks and those hikes help restore my energy. During the colder months I also go to hot yoga at a studio near my work. Or, I’ll just go to the gym. These things are super helpful tools that I use to manage these feelings.
Do You Get Depressed? Do You Spend More When That Happens?
What are Your Coping Mechanisms?
I hike in those hills during lunch. It really helps!
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I think there was a time when I shopped due to depression. I remember working second shift (2-10pm) many years ago and going out to the story to shop at night because I was bored but still wide awake.
It has gotten a lot better than before, but I have to pay attention to the red flags! And a lot of this current round of depression is work related. That situation has been dealt with so it should get better soon.
I’m glad you’re doing better. Chin up always!
I don’t know what is behind this, but many in my family struggle with bipolar disease and I notice the same behavior in them, on both ends of that spectrum. Perhaps they are trying to fill a void on the depression side. On the manic side, perhaps they are not worried and go nuts when they are happy?
Thanks! Thankfully I’m pretty low on the Depression scale but it’s still stressful. I have heard about behaviors similar to this in people with: deep depression/boredom/etc. It wasn’t as bad this time but it wasn’t good!
I’m glad you’re taking the necessary steps to put yourself first, Michelle. I’ve always thought you do a great job of that! You’re a lovely person (and very fashionable from what I saw at FinCon!) – don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m very introverted and have a hard time putting myself out there when it comes to making friends, so I can relate in a way. Moving here without a support group has been rough, and it’s something I’d like to change.
Awww Erin, you made my day! All my new clothes were from happy shopping so they have good mojo. I am signing up for a league today so that I make sure to continue meeting people. I really enjoyed connecting with people this summer in my kickball league and still hangout with some of my teammates. It’s amazing how important people are in a well rounded life. While I’m an extrovert I do need a little time to open up initially. I appreciate the additional challenge that introverts experience. You are lovely and fashionable too! We need to start a group 🙂
I think it’s natural (not right) to spend money when you are depressed. You just stop caring about money’s value and you are trying to fill a void. I’ve been there many times. It’s really tough, but you do have to start looking at the why and stop using spending as a bandaid. For me, my depression required counseling and further help. Practicing gratitude also helped. I hope you continue to find things that nourish you and get to live the life you want! 🙂
Melanie you totally hit the nail on the head. I just stopped caring. Am clearing up a lot of the issues that have been wearing me down and am looking forward to clearing that energy and creating new space for new things to come into my life. I am considering counseling as well. Will see how I feel. Thanks for your support!
I shop when I’m depressed, but I’m more likely to just shut myself indoors and ignore everyone. Melanie’s right, it’s about filling a void of something you long for in life but hasn’t come your way yet. My commute into work was always bad for me, but now when I’m driving I try to appreciate something beautiful outside and thank my lucky stars I’m alive and I have another day to try it all again and make a change. You’re headed in the right direction and you’re doing the right things to get yourself feeling awesome about life! Keep going 🙂
I am really trying not to stay inside too much! And Melanie is completely right. I am trying to really focus on good things, and just keeping positive and focused. Having so much support really helps! Thanks Michelle.
I think there was a time when I used to shop more if I was down. I think now it’s a matter of what’s worse? Feeling a little down or being extremely stressed if I spend money I don’t have? Well as you can guess it’s the latter. I may not make the most awesome choices when I’m down (like plopping myself down and watching too much TV and never going out), but I get too scared of not having enough money. Glad you recognized your patterns and behaviors quickly!
In this moment I realize how bad it used to be because I was so unaware. The kind of depression that I’m dealing with means that I don’t even care when I’m broke. I just mentally shut sown. So, I have to really deal with it before it gets really bad.
I swear you and I were sisters in another life 🙂 I have been working on the same exact things over the past couple years and I feel like I’ve (for the most part) beat depression. I still have my days but as a whole I think gratitude and compassion for others has really improved my situation.
I try to be grateful for everything that happens to me everyday and I’ve had this huge urge to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Now that it’s getting cold it’s made it a little harder though 🙂
But when I fall into a depressed state I just don’t care about anything – especially my finances so if I feel like spending I don’t think twice about it. When I’m trying to be positive I care a lot.
We are sisters NOW!! It is an ongoing issue and it has gotten so much better thank goodness. Gratitude is the key to everything for me. The more I am grateful the happier I am no matter what. I am trying to stay positive, grateful, and focused. That makes all of the difference.
Running the marathon and starting my blog got me out of my depression. I think having really tangible goals that you’re in control of are really powerful in creating momentum and positivity in your life.
I also need to lose weight so that is a tangible goal that I am focused on right now. I am planning on running the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving so I think that’s great advice. I am building momentum and I am excited about breaking through some walls that are still existing in my life right now. I’m close but not quite there.
Depression was what caused my debt in the first place. It really spiraled out of control after my divorce. I understand where you’re coming from. At least you caught it early this time!
It was getting pretty close to the spiraling out of control stage. It has gotten A LOT better in recent years, but I think it’s something I will have to always be vigilant about managing proactively instead of reacting to things.
Definitely being down for me, makes me looser with the purse strings. Right now I should be holding them super tight, we are a one income household, but honestly, most of the time I just don’t care. Ugh.
Things will get better! Are you into hiking? It makes a difference for me and you have a spectacular landscape to explore. Am sending good vibes.