I’ve touched on the the D’s a bit in recent posts but haven’t directly talked about what’s going regarding some of the issues that I was struggling with prior to quitting my job. In fact, I’m convinced that many people struggle with managing their money lives because there are too many other issues that they need to deal with first. I’m no exception to the reality of having too much to focus on and not being able to execute plans well because of that.
Depression
Was on my list, my list of issues that I wanted to deal with manage and eradicate from my life. I was depressed because I was working a job that was killing my soul-seriously. Yes, I’m being a bit dramatic. But, I couldn’t focus on anything else because I was so freaking unhappy with how things were going.
I spoke with Derek from Derek and Carrie and he talked about being asked the following question “If you continued to do the same thing for the next 5 years would you be happy?” For me that answer was a resounding “NO!” The thing is I had made a pragmatic decision 5 years before-during The Great Recession and it was the right choice to stay at my job at that time. The problem is…time goes by faster than you would expect and the extra 2 or 3 years I thought I would be there became 5, it was then time to go.
Interestingly, my depression ended pretty quickly after I left my job, went to Australia, and reenergized. People remark on how disgustingly happy I am. In fact, last week I was working a side hustle and one of the girls asked if I ever go mad? I was like “I tried that already and it didn’t work for me anymore.”
I will ask myself that question once a year…just to make sure I’m doing the right thing for me and being mindful about self-care.
Diet
A funny thing happens when you stop feeling achingly depressed. Emotional eating just tapers off. I think I was eating around a pound of chocolate a week not including my regular meals, and extravagant meals I loved to cook for myself. While I still like all of those things-I don’t feel the need to eat them like a crazed competitive food eater.
The pounds have begun to drop off and I like it! I feel not only the emotional weight of my old life dropping away, but the literal weight of the years dropping off. I very rarely mention what I used to do before on this blog. I was a Student Services Coordinator for an English as a Second Language Program. I had to deal with: immigration, other people’s depression and helping to find services in those cases, helping people get dental care, throwing events, working on admissions related issues, had stalkers (am serious-I had at least one or two a year) worked with colleagues at other educational facilities, and the list goes on. Did I mention that I was dealing with around 400 people at any given time? I loved the students up until we reached 150 a session. Once we surpassed 150 students a session it was TOO MANY PEOPLE TO DEAL WITH. It drove me freaking crazy. So, I would eat. Justin’s Peanut Butter cups, handfuls of cashews, drink wine, and lovely plates of yummy healthy goodness. You can gain weight eating healthy food when it’s too much healthy food.
Now, I eat about half as much and I don’t feel like I’m trying to fill a void.
Dating
When you feel like crap and you’re depressed dating becomes a bit tricky. Because the energy you send out is not the type of energy you want to send out to attract people who are good for you. It doesn’t mean that the people you’re attracting are evil or bad, but maybe they aren’t good for you during the moment you’re in. That has been my experience.
I did try to meet someone during the Depression years. What came naturally to me flirting, having fun, just faded away. Before my normal personality faded away I was quite charming:)
I was even called a coquette when I was living in France by a Frenchman. This is a very high level of praise that American women usually don’t receive from French men.
Coquette: a woman who flirts lightheartedly with men to win their admirationand affection; flirt. (dictionary.com) And I was a great flirt LOL!
I even went to Speed Dating, tried online dating (still hate it, it’s like work), and tried to meet people “organically” nothing worked. In retrospect, I’m glad that was the case.
Recently was hit on by this guy. Or, a guy who looked like him LOL. Yep-He looked Like Scott Eastwood. And, your welcome. Now, I just need a Taye Diggs look a like or a hot Samoan like Jason Momoa. Whatever works. Or, just a nice guy who has his sh$t together, or at least is trying, no pot, loves education, helping people, family, entrepreneurship, likes puppies but no pets, and enjoys travel and adventure. Good hygiene a must-too much to ask for ? Image Source
The Tide Has Turned
Dating has begun to happen again. In fact, a very nice guy that I’ve dated before mentioned that I seemed a lot happier. I’ve been flirted with, on the street, regularly. And, it has been great. Last week I was asked out by a Scott Eastwood lookalike from Montana and I WANTED TO SAY YES SO BADLY! Sadly, he was 25-too young for this GenXer and he was hoping I would change my mind-he tried. I had to say stick to my guns.
The difference is I’ve regained my confidence. Life isn’t perfect-but I don’t feel like I’m getting kicked in the shins everyday when I wake up.
Debt and Dollars
These are the last two things that are on my list. On Monday I talked about my income as a freelancer and that I am not satisfied with that income. Partly because I now have the mental energy to focus on my debt and I need to earn more to knock it out. Since I have worked on all of the distractions that split my focus, I am now at the point where I can focus and execute my debt repayment plan and make things happen.
I am actually in the process of reworking my Vision Board with much more specific action items and goals focused on my money/debt/and savings. I just can’t stand having the debt and broke conversation-it’s not what I want to define me anymore.
The debt and no dollars is attached to energy that I don’t want to exist in anymore (sorry, getting a little woo woo). You know what I mean?
I’ve already begun focusing on upping my income and have gotten back into finding opportunities. I started my opportunity finding process this weekend and I think I will make an extra $300-$400 by the end of this week. Which is pretty awesome. I am also beginning to look for freelance writing opportunities! I have never really actively pursued freelance writing until this month (surprising huh?) Email me at: shopmyclosetproject@gmail.com if you would like to discuss a project (shameless plug!)
I will be perfectly honest and let you know that I want to be rich. Not going to lie. I want enough money coming in so that I can pay my crap off, pay off my mortgage, and my mom’s and do my thing. I never want to owe another person money again in my life. I haven’t used credit since March or April? It has been awhile. I’m just so done.
Cleaning Up A Messy Life
My life was too messy. If your life is currently messy in the way that mine was I have to say from experience that it has been a longer journey than I would have liked but working through the stuff in my head took longer than I expected.
It was worth every painful moment. Journaling, diving into my mental state, and working through my sh$t has been rough. It’s hard to admit that you are your problem. Fear was driving a lot of my actions.
Fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of starting.
My life was just too messy.
Now, I only have to focus on two things because everything else is being addressed or in the process of being resolved. I literally just need to make more money and pay off my debt. That’s it. It’s that simple. Dating is happening, weight loss is happening, and success is starting to happen in my blogging life. Because I worked my a@@ off.
Hard Focused Work
I’ve eliminated most of my roadblocks and now I just need to work. Literally, that’s it. And show up-for myself. I used to show up for my job for 80 hours a week-I at least owe it to myself to show up for that many hours on a weekly basis. There are a number of different parts of your life in this post I discuss diet, dating, depression, debt, and dollars. I’ve also talked about my connections with people. Life is great and now I’m in the middle of my journey. It’s time to work towards the home stretch.
We’ll see how it goes.
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That’s awesome! Good for you Michelle!
Thanks Tonya!Again, I have been working very hard on myself for a long-time, it’s about time I start getting some results.
I love all of these! And I’ve been through every single one of them at some point over the last 5 years. I think it 100% has to do with where you work and the atmosphere you put yourself into every single day. How can you keep the motivation, stay positive, and still tackle a goal as gruelling as debt repayment when you don’t enjoy the part of your life where most hours go.
So cool to see how well you’re doing freelancing, and I wish I had the guts to do the same! Keep on keeping on…
I just couldn’t manage all of those things…well. And my results were a reflection of that. Now, I’m feeling pretty good so I’m able to focus on what I need to do. Freelancing is NOT for everyone-but, I’m loving it. Especially when money actually is coming in LOL!
Isn’t it funny how when we really start to focus on what’s blocking us in life so many other areas improve as a result? In my life, I’ve noticed that if I take time to exercise, eat healthy and take care of myself the other areas of my life seem to fall into place. Or, maybe I’m just in a better place to deal with the other stuff. Whatever it is, it works. So happy to hear things are going better for you!
It’s still an ongoing process but there were so many things that I had to clean up before I could start my money journey. I find it ironic that it took me three years of personal work to even recognize that truth. I think that what I discovered is probably why so many people struggle on their debt freedom journey. They may have other issues that have to be addressed and it took a lot of freaking hard work. I now have the mental energy needed to focus on my money journey that I just didn’t have before. Thanks for the kind words.