Yes, I was one of the millions of people who stayed up all night long to watch Meghan Markle marry Prince Harry. And, I even work a fascinator a leftover from one of the many times I attended the Derby Party here in Denver. The wedding was like a fairytale and I was so excited for her. And, like many American women, brown American I allowed myself the tiniest indulgence to imagine myself as her. What I couldn’t imagine was the amount of toxic bullsh$t Meghan would have thrown at her from that day forward. At the time that I’m writing this post, it’s Holiday Season 2019 and no one has seen or heard from Prince Harry, Meghan, or their cute little guy Archie. It’s like they completely disappeared from the face of the earth. And, I learned lesson #1 on how to set personal boundaries from toxic people. Thanks Meghan-I’m paying attention.
Lesson #1: Admit that You’re NOT Ok
Meghan has been on my mind every since she was interviewed for a British show where she infamously admitted that NO she was NOT ok. This admission both bothered me and saddened me because during that same conversation she also mentioned that no one had asked how she was doing.
It wasn’t an act.
And, no shade to Meghan, she’s not Meryl Streep or Viola Davis. She wasn’t acting a part, she was sharing her very real reality that she was struggling with all of the negative attention that was coming her way. Let’ take an inventory of all the toxicity she was dealing with.
- Her 1/2 sister who was a lifetime older than her constantly dragging her name through the streets for no other reason than jealousy. And, hey girl hey, if you were hoping that Meghan would ever talk to you again-you made sure that she would never contact you again during your life. And, as Eminem famously said “Wouldn’t piss on fire to put you out.”
- Her own damn dad. This was the worst. Watching his antics just blew my mind. There was so much wrong with how he has behaved in public that it’ literally beyond my ability to comprehend that he would behave the way that he did. He’ll be lucky if he ever sees her again.
- The Press-I actually expected this. Because, tabloid culture is such a big deal in the UK. But, the way that they tried to pit Meghan against Kate is so annoying. They are two very different women who would never be friends in real life if their husbands weren’t brothers. Like most wives in most families. You keep the peace for the family and in my opinion both Meghan and Kate are trying to do that. Also, for all of the coverage that Meghan and Harry received, it’s really interesting that the coverage of William’s affair was muted at best. Didn’t know about this? My point exactly. The press has other motivations when it comes to Meghan’s coverage.
- The Racists-It REALLY pisses people off that Meghan is half-black. Ironically, I’m convinced that they’ve made her feel the blackest that she’s felt in her entire life because of the way they’ve treated her.
- The Anti-American British Public-I lived in Europe and have friends who live in the UK/Europe. There are a lot of people who REALLY hate Americans. This can be made better or worse depending on the administration in office.
- The Royal Family-There absolutely are people in the Royal Family who can’t stand Meghan. Haters gonna hate.
So, with all of these people hating on one person it’s pretty reasonable to admit when you’re not ok. If you’re in a situation where you’re overwhelmed by all of the vitriol being sent your way you don’t have to take it.
Lesson #2 Stay True to Yourself
Even though I imagined myself in Meghan’s shoes very briefly the day of her wedding, I knew there was no way I would want to be subject to the rules she would have to follow as part of the Royal Family.
I’m TOO American.
Here are all of the ways that I’m too American. And, I’m a Western American.
- I march to the beat of my own drummer.
- Rules are made to be broken. As respectful as I am of elderly people, if the Queen is done before we’re finished eating…we’re going to have problems. For those of you who don’t know, if you eat with the Queen and she finishes you’re finished eating too.
- I want to wear what I want to wear. I don’t want a 94 year old lady dictating what my sexy self wants to wear.
- Sensoring myself to be a part of a “collective” just won’t work. American individualism is too much a part of my DNA.
And, try as Meghan might, she is probably constantly irritated and annoyed by all of the ways the Royal family ha tried to change her. It’s hard to change almost 40 years of living. It’s my view that she’s trying to meet them halfway and saying f@ck it to the rest.
Lesson # 3 Set Boundaries
Is it just me, or are a lot of people feeling empowered to shove past Meghan and Harry’s personal boundaries for their own gain?
In an effort to recalibrate those boundaries, I’m sure that’s why Meghan and Harry have started scheduling their own press interviews, making plans separate from the Royal Family and creating their own space. This is something that the rest of us can learn from.
Sometimes you have to break free and define what’s going to work best for you. Running a foundation with your in-laws might not be the best use of your time and energy. Also, all 4 of them are Alphas to a certain extent. Even if they deeply liked one another, I think that they would have constantly butt heads over stupid things related to their foundation. Separating themselves (yourselves) from those who don’t wish them well is so important.
Lesson #4 GTF Out of Town
It’s incredible to me how three of the most photographed people in the WORLD have been MIA from the public for almost two months.
How in the world did they do this? Literally, no one has a clue as to where Harry and Meghan went. My bet is on the US (California and Hawaii), Canada, and then Africa. In my own small way, I’ve tried to do the same. Basically, I’ve taken a social media break that will last for 4 weeks and it has been GLORIOUS. No one knows what I’m up to, where I’m at, or what I’m doing. Unless I decide to share.
And, I don’t plan on it
I basically had to figure out a way to take a breather from dealing with too many people. For me, it was a long social media break. But, if I lived in such a way where people were always trying to bother me, I would get out of town too.
Disappearing responsibly is a great way to keep people that you don’t want to deal with out of your face.
Lesson #5 Acknowledge What Isn’t Working
This lesson is tricky because you may feel like completely giving up on the thing that isn’t working. Instead of completely giving up on what’s not working, perhaps a change in approach or perspective is needed.
It’s my belief in observing Meghan and Harry that they are in the process of letting go of what’s not working and figuring out what they can manage within the situation that they are currently in. They can’t get rid of family, but they can manage how they deal with the family.
Lesson #6 Have Allies
In the case of Harry and Meghan, they have a ton of friends (allies) who are invested in their happiness. The American friends can commiserate with Meghan about all of the bullsh$t that she has to put up with. The Europeans can help buffer the more challenging aspects of navigating through her new life.
Allies may not always be who you would like them to be. I’m sure that it has been hard on Harry to have his brother not be as supportive of his relationship as he would like. Hopefully over time they will work past what broke in their relationship.
Lesson #7 Know Who is Toxic In Your Life
There are moments when you don’t want to admit who is a toxic person in your life. It could be your parents, a long-time friend, work colleagues, or even elected officials.
Or, even, The British Royal Family. Ahem.
Being clear about what and who is toxic in your life makes it easier for you to set the right boundaries to protect your energy.
I’ve worked very hard to remove toxic people from my life and it has been a fairly intense process. Some people aren’t even people that I know, but their antics affect me. Part of the reason why I take breaks from social media is because of those toxic people in the public space.
As for my private life, I’m at the point where I don’t have any toxic people in my life. Initially it was really hard to acknowledge the people in my life who were toxic.
But, once I did and I let them go, I freed up a ton of energy
Related Post
- Are You Ok? (Podcast)-I talk about Meghan’s Sky TV interview in this episode
The Detoxify Tool Kit
In addition to the steps listed above, here are some additional tips to eliminate toxic energy from your life. I can totally see the Duchess taken part in a few of these activities.
- Yoga-Sometimes a hot yoga session is just what the doctor ordered to sweat out the bad juju that builds up after dealing with toxic people. What you’ll need:
- Candles-There’s nothing better than relaxing with a candle going. Caution! Make sure that you review safety tips on how to enjoy candles without burning your house down. Yes, you’re an adult and this feels obvious, but the warning is for the person that needs it LOL! While I’m not 100% convinced that Meghan totally misses L.A. (I think she might like Canada more) the Homesick Candle Los Angeles would be a great one for her to burn.
- Noise Cancelling Headphones– Let’s be honest, everyone needs a pair. And, with a young child, paparazzi shouting at her, and constant commentary from the in-laws, Meghan needs these.
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I love this blog. Damn girl, you’re on 🔥!
Thanks Kristin!! Miss ya!
Yes to every single one of these points! I have lived them and practiced them and tightened our circle to squeeze out every drop of toxicity possible. It’s been a real trip and worth all the effort.
Toxic people will drain you dry.