Sometime today if you go to your local coffee shop, restaurant or bar-you’re likely to encounter a tip jar. Or, if you get your hair done, have some stuff delivered, get a mani-pedi or get some other work done on your home, you’re likely to encounter a tipping decision. In fact, how you tip and who you tip has become a big part of unspoken dialogues about money, class, oftentimes race, service expectations, equitable wages in America and work based social policy on the State and Federal level. Yep, it’s a lot. I decided to talk about tipping today because the topic keeps coming up with increasing frequency in daily conversations and in the different personal finances communities that I belong to online. Comments such as “It feels like everyone is expecting a tip.” Or, “There are tip jars everywhere.” And my favorite “Why doesn’t America do what XYZ country does? ” These questions and comments have become so annoying so it was time for a conversation about tipping. Let’s go!
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- Many people have no idea why tipping is a “thing” in the United States. It was instituted after slavery as a way to avoid paying newly freed Africans. Basically, compensation was placed in the customer’s hands. Remember this is directly after the Civil War so around 1865 (I use 1865 as the year because of Juneteenth)
- But, it’s almost 2022 and it’s clear that tipping as a practice is deeply entrenched in American culture that the phrase “you can pry the option to tip from my cold dead hands” comes to mind. Businesses that have tried to break from tipping culture in recent years have faced ridicule, confusion and end up spending a lot of their time educating their clientele on what to expect while patronizing a tip free venue.
- At the heart of the tipping conversation for me are the following 5 Key Questions
- Who Should Be Tipped?
- How Much Should We Tip?
- Why Are We Tipping?
- How Does Tipping Make You Feel??
- Is This System Working? If Not, What Should Be Changed?
Who Should Be Tipped?
- I’m surprised when US raised folks ask this question because it feels so obvious to me. But, who to tip is clearly not obvious to a lot of people. My basic rule is that anyone who provides a service for me is tipped. Period.
- What does this look like in my daily life?
- $1 tip at the coffee shop for my favorite drink
- Someone mowed my lawn? I tip them typically at 20% because they kept me from being out in the heat.
- If I’m traveling I always tip the hotel cleaning staff EVEN IF I DON’T GET TURNDOWN SERVICE. I consider that part of the cost of travel. I usually get a lot of deals, etc. when traveling. I now leave $10 a day at the end of my stay. Three days=$30 dollars. You get the picture. It’s a small thing for me to do and a big deal for the recipient.
How Much Should We Tip?
- Unfortunately, tipping has some low-key power dynamics connected to it. Customers use the tip as a way to indicate how pleased or displeased we were with the service that we received. Basically, we’re grading the person. What people don’t take into account is how bias and perception may influence that tipping decision. Numerous studies back this up.
- Also, as a service person I may look at you and have a pre-conceived idea of how you might tip me. In fact, this happens frequently to Black patrons in restaurants more often than we like to admit.
- There are numerous books on tipping etiquette but I actually think that if a book was published even 2 years ago, the guidance is likely not reflecting what is impacting tipping culture right now. I thought I would give you a general idea of what I do.
- $1 for coffee
- $2-3 for a drink. This year I’ve raised my tip amount. But, I very rarely go out for drinks so this raise in my tip isn’t a big deal.
- 20%-25% starting for meals out.
- $10 a night for hotel service
- 20% start for services: Hair, mani-pedis, work around the house, etc.
Why Are We Tipping? Why is This Even a Thing?
- The answer: Because tipping supplements low base wages. Literally, that’s it. In fact, this summer I recorded a podcast episode about living in a city with basically a $15 minimum wage and how that has impacted my city, perceived cost of living, etc. Go to the show notes to give it a listen.
How…Does Tipping Make You FEEL?
- Tipping doesn’t really illicit an emotion from me other than I look forward to the day when people are compensated fairly for the work that they’re doing. And, I love making people happy and helping people in whatever small way that I can. Without judgement, I ask you to examine your actual emotions connected to tipping. What comes up when you’re having conversations about tipping?
Is This System Working?
- In general, my view is that the tipping system takes away the responsibility of business and the Federal Government when it comes to fair wage practices and policies that would protect and better the lives of works.
- Entrepreneurs are starting to have more thoughtful and nuanced conversations around compensation especially as they struggle to find staff.
I’ll be honest, a lot of what guides my beliefs around tipping and fair compensation is having had to depend on tips during different moments in my life. Those tips when I was working at Starbucks so many years ago made a difference to me. I’ve also had friends and family perform service industry work who would be directly impacted by receiving good or bad tips. Sometimes I wonder if the increased pushback around tipping is a reflection of new financial pain being experienced by those complaining about tipping even if they’re unwilling to admit that their budget is being impacted. Real talk, maybe it’s time to rework that budget? Has it changed for tipping to become such a big deal for you?
In my case, I only go out to eat a couple of times a month (even before COVID). I have expensive taste so I check the menu and calculate my tip prior to arriving. There’s no angst around tipping decisions because I literally account for the tip. Because I go out so infrequently I’m just not having to make frequent decisions around tipping. And, for those of you living overseas wondering why we can’t change the system quickly. That’s like asking when will the French stop protesting? It’s clear, though, that change is coming. What that looks like
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