I had a different post in mind today until I read Girl Meets Debt’s post: Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck. She talks about an indebted life where your money is promised to someone else before it gets to you. As I slowly clean up my debt mess I have to agree that living paycheck to paycheck becomes a wearying, tiring way to exist. It becomes a habit.
I have spent my entire adult life living life in “The Red.” When I say in “The Red.” I mean in debt. When you talk living paycheck to paycheck I get it. I get juggling bills and money around to see what I have in the bank and in my pocket so that I can pay things off. I get being so stressed out and not having a plan that I make bad decisions like getting a payday loan-making my situation even worse. I get trying to figure out what I’m going to eat for the week before payday. Part of the reason I am uber focused on having a stocked pantry is the fear of being hungry due to not having enough money to eat. That happened to me in college and because I was constantly broke I worked in the food services area so that I could eat.
Living in the Red you get used to a low grade frequency of stress that spikes at different times of the month-beginning of the month (bills are due), middle of the month (money is getting lower), and the end of the month-the days before payday.
I remember picking up my piggy bank and shaking Mr. Piggy so that all the change and bills come out and hoping that it’s enough. That memory of getting change from Mr. Piggy is not that long ago.
Living in the Red you can guarantee that there will always be some crazy sh$t that hits the fan and you think why is the Universe conspiring against me? You don’t get enough hours at work, your washing machine breaks, your car blows a tire, your kid gets sick, and the list goes on.
When you’re living in The Red you ask for money from your loved ones because you need help. It makes you feel like sh$t. And you ask yourself why can’t I pull myself together? Is there a secret that other people can share with me?
For the past 10 years I have been paid on the last business day of the month. I have worked a number of part-time jobs to supplement an income that, in retrospect, is more than enough. I’ve worked at an olive oil store, a body product store, and picked up various side gigs. Getting paid once a month means that you have to really know what you’re doing with your budget, your savings, and just your life. What if you don’t? Despite making more than enough I have experienced life in The Red.
Disorganization, spending more than I earned, not having a savings, and not having clarity about my financial life kept me in The Red and took a toll on my life.
Today, as I watch the show Extreme Weight Loss with Chris Powell, I think of my slow transformation during this past year. I blogged, and blogged, and I committed to changing my life around. My transformation has been a mental process and it’s still a work in progress. I am so happy watching this show because my next step is to lose weight. I want to leave the weight that I gained existing in The Red behind me with the debt that I’m slowing getting rid of.
I realized today that I have been in “The Black” for awhile. By that what I mean is that I’ve been experiencing a surplus-in my bank account. It is a heady feeling. It is a scary feeling. It is a feeling I’m not used to. I wonder if I can stay focused and continue to do what is best for me?
I realize that with every step out of The Red the less I experience the low grade sense of stress and anxiety that I’ve had for years. I’m beginning to feel a lot more in control of my situation and am able to make better decisions when the sh$t hits the fan-because it always does. I still have a long, long way to go but I know that I can do it. I can wait to be completely in The Black. I can’t wait to write that post.
Are you living life in The Red? Are you in The Black? What was your journey like? Any tips?
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You already know I can relate all too well with living “in The Red.” Getting paid once a week must have been challenging but I’m glad you overcame that. Great post Michelle!
Once a month (which I think you were thinking LOL!) paydays are pretty rough. When I first started I was also working a retail position so I was getting paid once a week. I still wasn’t “winning” because I was a hot mess with money. I was just barely keeping my head above water. Now, I’m used to it but there have been moments were the cash was pretty low at the end of the month and the stress of that was huge. The “what ifs” would always run through my head. What if something came up? What if there was an emergency? You get the picture.
Loved this post, and can’t wait to read about the post when you’re completely in The Black! I agree that shifting your mindset and stop getting further in the rest makes for lower stress. It’s empowering, and it’s motivating to read others going through the same process and succeeding like you and GMD!
Thanks Anna! And Happy Birthday to your Mom 🙂 The next couple of months are going to be pivotal in my debt repayment journey. I hope to write an in “The Black” post by this time next year.
Love this post, Michelle! I am still in that zone where I always have a low grade anxiety looming over me. I hate the 1st of the month. Payday just means I have more to give to my loans and I don’t see any of it. Any pleasure or spending is coupled with requisite guilt. It sucks and I can’t wait to be done. I am glad you are starting to transform your mindset and reality. I am slowly doing that as well, but it’ a process as you said. It’s hard work. This year has been interesting, a year of improvements and the year of being uncomfortable. I am looking for this next year to be the year of refinement. Now that things are steady and somewhat stable, I want to refine what I am doing and really try to be the best I can be.
Thanks chica! Recently I’ve been wondering why I haven’t been feeling as stressed and anxious as before. Apparently, that’s what happens when you are dealing with fewer creditors and start seeing positive balance sheets. I’m gearing up to begin picking up a lot more side hustles in January. I need to rest up a little bit more after having been sick for so long. It’s hard for me to imagine being debt free with a savings but I can’t wait to see how that feels. We will both experience that soon!! Sending good vibes 🙂
I love that show and watched it on HULU! He is so good at what he does. I’ve been in that red zone so many times. I think before this year that was my whole year prior to that. I think it added years to my life. I swear I aged way more in the year then in any other. It’s just no way to live. It’s awful.
I’m really addicted to that show! It’s amazing the difference that a year can make and the people really inspire me when I feel down. Being in the Red totally sucks and I’m super happy that you’re not in it. I can’t stand how stressed it makes me feel and I am amazed at how much calmer I’ve begun to feel about my situation and life in general.
Congrats on getting in the black! My life is in the black now, I just want my blogging to catch up 🙂
I’m barely in the black so I don’t want to get too ballsy. I’m just going to stay focused and keep finding side hustles. Your blogging WILL catch up!
Living paycheck to paycheck is painful, I think most of us have done it. The good thing is that you’re clearly on your way to a better life, so it’s what that matters most 😉
I am so over living paycheck to paycheck. It’s exhausting and mentally tiring. As I start to experience “wins” it becomes more and more addictive to try to win more. Am really hoping that this time (the 1,000 time of trying) is the charm.