I am dipping my toe back into dating. To be honest, I love dating to a certain degree. You get to meet interesting new people, go to fun places, and occasionally get a lovely drink or meal to boot. And, I get to dress up from time to time-I always love that! One of the most important reasons why I decided to quit my office job and throw my life into disarray was that I wanted to really prioritize and focus on my personal relationships with friends and family and address a big problem I was having with my personal life.
I Had Stopped Dating
There were two main reasons why this happened. The first was the following: I was exhausted from my job and the crazy commute. I just didn’t have the energy to deal with myself let alone another person. I’m a pretty good girlfriend, but as distracted and tired as I was I just wasn’t going to be a good girlfriend to anyone. The second issue was that I didn’t want to talk about my debt. I just didn’t have a plan or a way to articulate how I was dealing with the mess I was in and I had ex-boyfriends (who didn’t know about my debt) who actually said that they were going to break up or not consider being with their current girlfriends because of their debt.
Huh
That wasn’t good. And it was a good thing that I never brought that up! And truth be told maybe there was a third reason. I had the amazing ability to pick super hot guys who were super wrong for me for so many reasons. Ultimately, I just got tired of dating “bad guys” and decided to work on myself.
Good thing that I decided to do some self-reflection because I realized that if I had stayed with someone during the crappy years I would have been getting divorced right now or in the process of breaking up with the guy who wasn’t “the one.”
So, it’s with this backstory that I begin the weird process of dating again. It’s really strange how complicated it has become. There are dating apps, dating sites, speed dating, and my favorite-meeting people naturally (crazy talk, I know). Dating so far hasn’t been like Bachelor in Paradise-kind of a shame.
Despite my decision to avoid dating drama I’ve decided to embrace almost all of these dating options because-why not? And that’s how I ended going on my really good bad date.
I connected with this guy on a dating site. He seemed cute enough, had some similar interests, and seemed easy going. I suggested a speakeasy in Denver that’s super casual and he immediately messages me back to say it seems too fancy and expensive. Uhh…awkward. I was a bit caught off guard because you can wear jeans at this place and even though the drinks aren’t cheap I only planned on having one around $8 dollars. Also, you can pretty much wear jeans almost anywhere in Denver when you go out for a night on the town but that’s for another day. Anyway, no worries, I shrug it off and suggest a coffee shop in the same area and we agree to meet for coffee instead.
The time and date are set and I find that I’m excited to meet him. The day of the date arrives and I am briskly walking to our meeting spot. I’m halfway down the block when I spot him. I can tell that it’s him…but…he doesn’t quite look the way that I thought he would-apparently he had uploaded a picture that wasn’t recent. Ok. No worries.
We walk into the coffee shop where we order our drinks and he waits for me to pay for both. Uhh? I just say I will pay for my own and we settle down for a chat.
He had recently moved from another state (like everyone else but me) and was living with a roommate (that can happen). But, as friendly as he was I knew that there was no love connection to be had and I learned a couple of things about myself during the course of that date.
I am very driven. I set a high standard for myself and so I am turned off by someone who isn’t pushing themselves to excel in some sort of way. He just lacked ambition. I am a bit old fashioned. I didn’t like that he didn’t offer to pay for the coffee. I wasn’t used to that (and I don’t want to be). I don’t get why people don’t show how they look in the moment. Don’t you think that your date will notice that you’ve gained 100 lbs? Or are 10 years older than your picture? In fact, I like to upload all my fat pictures so that my dates are pleasantly surprised when they meet me.
Despite my misgivings I stick it out and enjoy myself. I found that I respected him because he was obviously happy with his choices and the life that he was living. I had a good time hanging out with him and hearing about his adventures in Colorado.
Ultimately it was a good bad date because I actually had a date with a good guy who took a risk to meet a stranger just like I did. We had a fun conversation about some of our mutual interests and in that moment I realized that sometimes we make dating way too hard. So I will work on keeping it simple. Ultimately, it’s an opportunity to connect with a new person who has just as many flaws as I do and I might not be “the one” for them either. Can’t wait to meet the next guy.
Have You Had A Good Bad Date Before? Share!
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I’m glad you found some good out of that date. It sucks that he didn’t offer to pay for the drink.
It was a freaking coffee.
Yeah I would be totally turned off by the fact that he didn’t want to pay for your coffee…or even that he waited for you to pay for both!!! C’mon dude!!! If you can’t pay for someone’s $1.80 coffee you shouldn’t be on a dating site. But I guess it’s good to have a well-rounded dating experience so you can see what you DON’T want from your future husband. 🙂
There were other details that came up that I didn’t share in the post. Given the fact that I kept it SUPER frugal for him I was turned off. I definitely learned what I didn’t want in a husband from some of the things that came up-and that was a good thing!
If a guy won’t follow social mores on a first date, he would make a terrible boyfriend. You would always be embarrassed at social functions and stuff. After the first date, you can officially start being a little bit cheap and eccentric if that’s who you are, but the first date requires your best behavior including men paying for women’s drinks.
I totally agree. I don’t mind treating my guy and paying for a date…but if I agree to a coffee date and you can’t spring for my latte-we’ve got a problem. And, given how frugal I am at this point I think most guys would be pretty excited about that LOL!
He sounds like a hot mess. Any man who takes me out on a date and expects me to pay is not the man for me. Nothing wrong with being frugal, but I’m foolish to believe that my time, charm, and good conversation is at least worth a dinner.
What I love is that you are so positive, for you still found something good out of the date. Me….I would have cut the date short and went home to spend quality time with my secret boyfriends….Netflix and Hulu.
Haha! I love going out for dinner! I wasn’t being frugal so much as just going with the flow.But, I’m ok with meeting for coffee because I really love coffee. Living in Europe gave me a love of having a nice cup of coffee with someone. Another fun date in Colorado would also be going for a hike or doing something active like that. He wasn’t creepy so I was ok talking to him for the hour 🙂
Aw, if I were that man, I wouldn’t let you pay those drinks, Michelle. But, it’s good that you discovered something about yourself and enjoyed the date despite the man was a bit different compared with what you expected him to be. I can imagine your reaction. I guess you would try another one?
I would absolutely try again! And as that’s the first time that has happened to me I’m not too worried about it LOL! I just am at the point where I’m just going to have fun unless the person is an absolute douche bag.
That was beyond weird and awkward that he didn’t offer to pay for you and even worse that he expected you to pay for him. I get really turned off by men who don’t seem ambitious as well because I need to date someone who can be supportive but also has their own thing going on. I like how you’re remaining positive though and not taking it too seriously at first.
You know, I will have to date a lot of frogs before I meet my Prince. I just put him in the frog pile.
Hi Michelle,
Can I start off by saying that I love your outlook on everything, truly refreshing when we live in a world of complainers.
I have been out of the dating world for 10 years, but I remember the excitement and the adrenaline that comes with meeting someone new. If nothing else, you might make some really great guy friends on your journey to finding the one….
I Look forward to following your adventures now that I have found your blog !
Cheers
Thanks Jessica 🙂 I spent a lot of time complaining and it just didn’t work for me-so now I focus on the positive. So much better 🙂 We shall see how the dating continues to go. And yes, I am ok making friends lol!