Saying No
Author: Michelle
Date: 2014-11-10T07:15:00+00:00

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# In Order To Say “Yes” To Me, I Will Be Saying “No” To You

posted on 10 November, 2014

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***This was supposed to be published on Friday. I even tweeted about this post. Sigh. Ironically, I was tired and apparently didn’t schedule the post. Ironic once you read it***

Before we get started I want to make one thing clear:

## I’m not talking about blogging 🙂

In fact, I really, really love blogging and am enjoying it more and more as I continue to collaborate with fantastic new people on cool projects and dig deeper to manifest change in my life via blogging and online endeavors.

## I’m Talking About My Personal Life

Basically, I have no personal life right now. Don’t freak, I’m actually feeling pretty good about things in general and have some exciting stuff coming up. The thing is between now and the mysterious “then” I’m finding myself unable to extend myself in the following ways:

- I don’t want to meet new people. I love people, I love meeting new people, I just don’t have the energy to meet someone new, chit chat, and do all of the things that are required to connect with someone new now. This is awkward because I have had some very kind people reach out recently who would like to connect and I just don’t feel like connecting…now.
- I just want to hang out with my friends and my mom. I don’t have a lot of free time, so when I do have free time I just want to spend time with the people that I already know and love because I don’t get to see them enough already.
- I want to spend time with myself. Notice that I didn’t say “by myself.” I want to go to yoga, meditate, exercise, and clean my house. I am feeling pretty good about life right now and I finally feel like things are as calm as I need them to be in order to focus on some of the next steps I want to take in my life.
- I am finally who I want to be to meet “The One.” I lost myself for a long time. That can happen when there is a whole bunch of crap you have to deal with and manage well. I feel like I’m in a good frame of mind, have a great plan in place for my future, and a sense of clarity and purpose that I haven’t had in years. It’s so empowering. I can’t wait to meet the guy who balances me out. If I had met someone before I would have attracted someone who was a mess or just noncommittal (my typical m.o.)
- Saying “No” is not what I’m comfortable with. But, I’m going to have to do what is best for me.

## Saying “No” Is So Uncomfortable

But I have to say “no” to keep things calm in my world. I’m so over giving to others and forgetting myself in the process. I will continue to say “yes” to business endeavors because I am so energized by them, but anything beyond that is a big, fat “NO.” Until I feel I’m in the right headspace and have the time to commit to being a 100% present.

## Do you have a hard time saying “No”? What Do You Like To Focus Your Energy On In this Moment? Any Suggestions?

***Image off of Google Pictures***

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#### Michelle

I am an obsessive foodie, but not self-righteous with it, love travel, meeting new people, helping you look good, and am freaked out by people who don't enjoying reading...something! Grab a Perrier, read my blog, feel free to drop me a line! Hope to hear from you soon.

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## Reader Interactions

### Comments

1. Kylie Ofiu says

   10 November, 2014 at 3:34 am

   I think it is so perfect that you are taking the time for you and completely understand the love for people, but not doing all that is needed with it right now. I am right there with you. I have scheduled out a block of time for just my daughters and I.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 5:30 am

     I just don’t have the energy right now. When I do have the energy to nurture new friendships, etc. I look forward to meeting new people…but, that moment is not now. I know a lot of people already who genuinely care about that I don’t spend enough time with now. I’m glad that you have time scheduled for you and your daughters. It’s so easy to get caught up in daily life that we miss out on who and what is important NOW.

     Reply

2. Kassandra (@MoreThanJusMony) says

   10 November, 2014 at 6:07 am

   Girl I hear you loud and CLEAR! I am much in the same zone and do not feel an ounce of guilt about and nor should you. This post really resonated with me today.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 6:47 am

     I always feel so awkward because I typically am always open to meeting new people. I just can’t and am unable to deal new energy right now.

     Reply

3. Kirsten says

   10 November, 2014 at 6:38 am

   Michelle, I hope you are able to find the balance you need and want. I, personally, have never had a hard time saying NO to people – but that’s just a function of my blunt, take-no-prisoners personality. Yet, I can assure you that the people who truley care, will still care even if you say no for a while. Good luck!

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 6:48 am

     Thanks Kirsten for your kind words. Ironically, I’m known for being pretty direct. It’s just in this part of my life I struggle because I really WOULD like to meet new people. I just don’t even have the time for me. So, I have to start with me first 🙂

     Reply

4. Tonya@Budget and the Beach says

   10 November, 2014 at 8:21 am

   I don’t have a hard time saying no, but what I need to work on is not saying yes right away, because then if I get overwhelmed, I feel bad canceling on people, because I hate it when they do that to me. So my goal is to say, “I’ll give it some thought” if it’s something that doesn’t need an answer right away. I totally get where you’re coming from.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 8:42 am

     The thing is I never cancel on people-that is a huge pet peeve of mine. But, because I said “yes” Then, I get so stressed out because I really don’t want to hang out. I should just not say “yes” in the first place. UUUGGGHH!!

     Reply

5. brian503 says

   10 November, 2014 at 10:17 am

   Always take care of yourself first. It’s okay to want want to have some “me” time. I think people would rather have a straight answer, a “no” then get a vague response or leave an invite half open. A solid no is much better for all involved.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 12:05 pm

     Brian, you’re so right! I just don’t want to disappoint people and I’m genuinely excited about meeting people. I’m an extrovert and a people person, but right now I just don’t have enough in the tank to give time to others.

     Reply

6. Melanie @ Dear Debt says

   10 November, 2014 at 10:20 am

   I sometimes have a hard time saying no, but am getting better at asking for what I want. Usually I want to say yes, but with a few changes, so I’m now asking for them! I’m so happy you are in a better place and I think you should take the time you need to get what you want out of life. 😉

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 12:07 pm

     Thanks Melanie, I’m trying to figure out positive ways to approach this issue so that I still leave the door open to meeting wonderful new people.

     Reply

7. Andrea says

   10 November, 2014 at 10:39 am

   I have a feeling I’m one of these people you want to say no to. 🙂 I’m very okay with that. I’ll follow up in a couple months; if you’re ready for it, we can get together then. For now, enjoy your time with close friends and family.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     10 November, 2014 at 12:09 pm

     Andrea, I’m fried. I would love to meet up in the Spring for Happy Hour! I just returned from visiting my Grandma and I’m really trying to spend time with my mom during the Holidays. I just don’t have as much time as I need to do all of the things I want to do. It’s a hard thing to manage and admit. Thanks for your understanding!

     Reply

8. Alexis says

   11 November, 2014 at 8:09 pm

   I loved reading this post. I’ve been reading a ton about learning to say no to people when they ask for certain favors.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     11 November, 2014 at 9:36 pm

     Thanks Alexis! It is something that I really have to work on and understand that doing what’s best for me is important.

     Reply

9. Anne @ Money Propeller says

   12 November, 2014 at 10:18 am

   It’s so awesome to hear that you are really happy with where you are at! I can’t always say the same, that’s for sure.

   Reply

   - Michelle says

     12 November, 2014 at 11:58 am

     It has taken a very long time and a lot of work to say that!

     Reply

10. Prudence Debtfree says

    12 November, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    We live in a society that favours extroverts and encourages us all to be high-energy and outgoing – to take on the world. We introverts need to set boundaries for ourselves to have an optimal life experience. If we don’t, we end up compromising our lives for the sake of “making it” in an extroverted world. I’m guessing you’re an introvert. Is that right? I also prefer the company of a few people I know well. I also find value in getting the housework done and carving out time for work-outs. You’re in a good place : ) Be really picky in choosing “the one”! If he makes a good place better, he’s worthy of you.

    Reply

    - Michelle says

      12 November, 2014 at 8:26 pm

      I’m actually a huge extrovert-but, I deal with a large number of people on a daily basis, have an extreme commute, and basically have very little time for myself. I’m also an only child so I do enjoy my “me” time. I do think that there has to be more compassion for people who are trying to create balance in their life and also for the different personality types out there. I do have a large number of friends who are introverted and I have to be respectful of their boundaries. Luckily, they are wonderful to hang with because they respect my space and don’t talk as much as I do!! Thanks for the advice re: “The One.” I think it’s super helpful that I know that I don’t want what I’ve accepted from before! Will keep you posted.

      Reply

      - Prudence Debtfree says

        17 November, 2014 at 9:16 pm

        Well, I sure was off about guessing your were an introvert! I know that your introvert friends would appreciate your talkativeness. it saves them from having to talk : ) I look forward to updates about “the one”!

        Reply

        - Michelle says

          18 November, 2014 at 7:50 am

          LOL! No worries, only children tend to need their downtime though! I do have a lot introverted friends so it works out well.

          Reply

11. Athena says

    12 November, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    Michelle!

    I have enjoyed so much watching you grow over the past few years and getting to know you! I love seeing how happy you are now and how you seem to be in a really good place! It’s hard to say no to things you want to do if they don’t bring you close to your goal and even to say no to others you may not want to hurt. But I think it’s so important to be true to yourself and what YOU want. Treat yo self and protect your happiness!

    Reply

    - Michelle says

      12 November, 2014 at 8:29 pm

      Athena, thank your continued support and encouragement. It has taken a lot of work to get to this head space. While I was a little frustrated that it took me so long to get to this place, but isn’t everything a journey. I am no longer interested in being unhappy when all I have to do is manifest what I want for myself and surround myself with people (like you) who support me in my vision. I am also happy to see how happy YOU are! Will keep you posted 🙂

      Reply

12. pauline says

    15 November, 2014 at 11:12 am

    Good for you! I suck at saying no too, but if you aren’t in a good place yourself, you can’t be in a good place with people so you need to put yourself first, then think about others.

    Reply

    - Michelle says

      15 November, 2014 at 11:27 am

      I am just at the point where it literally a struggle to do several things-I just don’t have the energy or desire to do them. So, I’m putting myself first.

      Reply

13. zambianlady says

    23 November, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    I generally have no problem with saying no. I had to learn to say yes more often as my friends said I was always refusing anything I was not interested, no matter how much it mattered to them, and I did not compromise. My friends now tell me that I am more accommodating but of course, I will not say yes to something that is not good for me.

    Reply

    - Michelle says

      23 November, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      I found this to be a very interesting situation. Sometimes “no” is very easy to say to people, to the point where it is a habit. I say “no” very easily at work based on work related situations. But, I’ve been too accommodating with peole in my personal and professional life and it hasn’t worked out for me. At this point I’m super exhausted so I am unable to say “yes” even if I wanted to.

      Reply

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