There is a blog that I read from time to time and have read for the past year or so. Each time I check out a post, I’m hoping and praying that things have begun to turn around for this blogger. They never seem to. About six months ago I began to notice something-they were still at the point where they had started when they had begun writing the blog a number of years ago.
This week’s post detailed another frustrating life event that threatened to derail this person’s financial house of cards. This blogger was clearly overwhelmed, exhausted, and didn’t know what to do. I then began reading the comments this person’s readers had left on the post. They were pretty harsh. However, the readers were echoing my observation that the blogger hadn’t progressed past the point where they had begun. **If you recognize the blog please be kind and do not mention the name.**Basically, this person seems stuck and it feels like they are treading water and getting more and more dejected with each post.
I was left with mixed emotions after reading this post and the comments that followed.
- Frustration-that no forward traction had been made towards their goals
- Uncomfortable-with how strongly (and negatively) the readers reacted to this person’s post
- Judgmental-why can’t they seem to get it together?
- Sad-There are clearly things going on that are affecting this person’s ability to focus and win in the financial part of their life. It left me wondering about how this lack of momentum affects their self-esteem.
- Compassion-this person is trying and clearly is tired and stuck in a rut.
I am 100% sure that this person never intended to blog about not achieving their financial goals. They probably started their blog like I did-as an outlet for all of the stress, emotional duress, and anxiety their situation was causing them.
The reality is that sometimes people don’t attain the goals that they would like to achieve. Life gets in the way. Illness, disorganization, job loss, lack of support from your spouse, or misplaced priorities. This writer had experienced all of the roadblocks that would keep any hard working person from being successful. While there were clearly a number of different things that this person could have done to improve their situation. They hadn’t. This weekend I went to FinCon13. I had the pleasure of hearing Jean Chatzky give a key note speech. During that speech she made a very interesting comment-basically she stated that “you can’t help people until they are ready.”
This blogger’s journey is my worst nightmare. What if this becomes me? What if despite all of my focus and writing I’m unable to achieve my goals? Because life happens. It’s always a possibility.
If you notice that you’re not making the type of progress that you hope for there are a couple of things that you can do.
- Get some unbiased, blunt, but fair outside advice on the things that you could do to correct the metaphorical course that you’re on towards financial independence.
- Recognize that things aren’t working and identify the road blocks to your success. It could be your spouse, your mentality, lack of belief that you can achieve your goals, or lack of focus.
- Be forgiving of yourself-you’re human and trying the best you can.
I’m hoping to meet my financial goals…but, I might stumble during the process. This person needs our support now because this is the moment when they might give up. I really hope that they are able to dig deeper. The comments that they received were harsh though. I have faith that this person can turn things around. I hope that they have faith in themselves too.
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I was having the same conversation with Athena in the airport, abut about people who are victim-y in all areas of life, like having bad relationships, or blowing through friends left and right. I said they could never recognize what part THEY contributed to the whole thing, and therefore they keep repeating the cycle. I don’t know who this particular blogger is, but I have read a couple like that and eventually I stop reading, because I can’t take it, and like Jean said they aren’t really ready to move forward. It’s too painful…it’s like watching a train wreck.
I actually went back to that site and noticed that now no one can read it unless invited. I think that person took the site down. The comments were REALLY harsh. I think that they were fed up with this person writing for years about all of the things going on but not making changes that would move this person forward. This blogger has a significant other who seems to be inhibiting their ability to move forward…and you’re right after awhile it feels like watching a train wreck. But, I really want them to move forward. I just can’t want it more than they do.
I know exactly who you are talking about and it has frustrated me to the point where I just don’t read the blog any more.
You are far too nice to be reading that blog. Get out while you can! Keep your emotions away from that hellhole of darkness!!
I have very little pity for this blogger because they remind me so much of someone in my family that I am getting worked up just thinking about it.. and trust me, I have spent a lot of time (among other family members) trying to help this person in my family, and they just refuse to do anything.
I also know for certain that there have been very kind people trying to help said blogger, but they have not been responding the way a normal person would who would want to get out of their situation.
Makes me think they just want to whine. They’re on this earth to sit around and whine but don’t want to do anything to change their situation.
Or maybe I am talking about another blogger here, because you said “significant other”… which makes me think of someone else.
Nevertheless, my opinion still stands.
I think that your comments are probably about the same person. But, it doesn’t matter because if the person you’re thinking of is doing the same as the person I wrote about then it’s still the same issue. They’re not ready to dig deep in the way that they need to in order to make lasting changes. It’s sad to read.
I’ve found this person using their blog as a way to let off steam about their situation. It does come across as whining to a certain degree because nothing ever changes. I think that this person really wants to make changes in their life in their heart…but, not in their head. There is no alignment in their thoughts and actions. It took me awhile to realize this because this was a blog that I read on occasion because I found it a bit depressing because it seemed like nothing was changing. I think they were surprised by the reaction to that post because you can no longer read that blog unless invited…
I was reading a blog for a while and had to stop because it was super depressing. I mean, everyone has good and bad days and I’m certainly not cheery and positive all the time, but it does get to a certain point with some people that you just can’t bare to watch the train wreck anymore (in real life and in the blogosphere). I don’t know the person you’re writing about, but I hope whomever it is is able to get their life (and goals) back on track.
I have to admit that this blog was depressing. Not because of the bad things that kept happening, but because there were moments when you felt like they were their own worst enemy. But, I can’t judge because I have been my own worst enemy so many times that reading that blog and others like it was like looking in an old mirror. My goal is to keep moving forward so that I don’t have to look in that mirror again.
I don’t know who you are talking about, but that is rough to watch. The PF community is so supportive, but I can see how frustrating it would be to read someone’s blog for YEARS and have nothing really change. Blogging, like life should be a progression…full of ups and downs. The point is you keep moving and trying!
I think that’s why the readers reacted so strongly. This blog has been around for awhile and I think that the commenters were fed up. I think it’s hard not to progress in your life if you set the intention but this person has a lot of personal roadblocks (a spouse) that they aren’t willing to deal with yet. I think once that happens then they will begin to make serious progress.
I agree – there’s a lot this person is not willing to deal with yet,
There are a lot of pf blogs out there and not everyone is going to succeed with their goals. Having said that the comments were very harsh….this person is not ready to turn things around yet, for whatever reason, and she clearly needs support (more than anything else)
Ahhh, you know which blog. Those comments were HARSH. It made me feel really sad for that person. Maybe it will be the wakeup call that they need…but I don’t think so. I think that they just aren’t ready yet to make a profound shift in their mentality in order to make the shift in their lives. I think it’s quite frightening to do things that make you stick out and seem different to the norm. This person is just not there yet.
Oh man, this is tough. I’d have to say I’m a little torn.
On one hand, I think it’s incredibly human, even for pf bloggers, to fall off the course. And I think it’s okay for the public to see that people are not perfect. Imagine a few years from now the awesome story it would be when this blogger will be able to say “look, I’ve fallen, but this is how I’ve picked myself back up”.
On the other hand, I don’t know which blog you’re talking about, so I can’t speak to how s/he writes about her/his situation. I’m not a fan of complainers and whiners, so I suppose I’d get bored of a blog that’s only full of them.
This, too, is my nightmare! I’ve put my weight loss journey on my blog for all to see and I continue to struggle with it! But I do think that readers benefit from seeing others who struggle month in and month out, just like them. It reassures that the journey is hard, but it’s worthwhile.
Whew that was long!
I would say that this person writes in a sort of dejected, nothing is going to change sort of way. I think this person is in so deep (and maybe a little depressed) that they aren’t able to take a step back and get ruthless with themselves and the people in their life. Until they are able to do that-nothing is going to change. Don’t worry-I LOVE long comments!!
I have no idea who this blogger is, but I feel real bad for them. When I was going through a rough patch a few years ago, I felt depressed, all hope was lost and couldn’t see past it. It’s easier said than done, but when you’re going through tough times for quite some time, it can be rough and hard to think positive.
I think it’s alright to let off steam using the blog. This person was probably aware of the reactions the blog was going to get. Blogs can be about anything really-positive or negative. However if it is constantly negative, it most likely will get a negative reaction…
I agree with everything that you’ve just said. I think the problem is that it’s now been around 4-5 years of the same situation. As it took me at least 5 years of stopping and starting I am in no position to judge. That being said I think when you open yourself up to the world it can create a strong system of support or eventually drive people away…as they call you out on your sh$t which is always rough.
I read a blog briefly along those lines, and it was a tough read. Each time I would check in and see if there was hopefully progress (like with getting a job or something), and there never really was. I tried offering advice, but it just seemed to go by the wayside (and one time kind of defensive when I didn’t really feel like I was attacking), as well as other commentators who I felt were trying to help them. It’s locked it now, but I hope they’re making improvements. Like you said, it really is up to the person to decide to make a change, but I think in this case it also felt that they were so deep in their neuroses that they can’t think with the type of clarity/rationality that I think the general population would think, you know?
The other thing that has pissed readers off is that the person’s person is saving for what is clearly a want. They are now in an extreme situation and I think it was too much for the readers and they started calling them out on it. I was hoping that things would change and continue to be in their corner. But, until they believe and are totally committed all of our support doesn’t mean a thing.
I don’t know the blog you are talking about, but I do know what it’s like to have life throw the curveballs and get slammed repeatedly and also what it’s like to watch train wrecks happen in front of you where there is so much the person could do to change, but they just don’t and it continues for ages.
I have had numerous people throw the “You probably won’t achieve your millionaire goal” thing at me lately due to all the events in my life since I set that goal. I am well aware that is a reality. I have been told if I don’t achieve it, my name is mud and I may as well give up.
I like to think I can still achieve it, even if I don’t my life is so dramatically different from when I started, I have numerous streams of income, friends and a lifestyle I never would have had if I had not set the goal. I’ve tried not to let everything that has happened stop me from progressing. Because that would be even worse than everything that has happened.
I hope you achieve all your goals 🙂 And I hope that other blogger gets some help or makes some changes or something.
Kylie, I say F$CK all those people who tell you that you can’t achieve your dreams. Who the hell are they to try to bring you down??!! That really pisses me off. Are they jealous because they see you moving forward while they aren’t? People have to understand that there will always a few steps back for every step forward. It’s almost as if the Universe just wants us to check in and make sure we will appreciate everything that we will receive when we reach our dreams. I am now very careful of who I share my dreams with and pay attention to how supportive they are. So, if you made $500,000 you wouldn’t be successful? Haters going to hate. I for one know, not think, I know that you will achieve anything that you put your mind to. I will be clapping and cheering at the finish line when you do!!
When this report came out I had been on my financial journey almost 3 years and was still working to pay off debt ($105K), so as a 28 y.o. African American woman my networth was below $5. The article didn’t make me angry, but it encouraged me to keep working the plan and sharing my passion of personal finance with others
Today, I am with you and can say my networth is more than $5.
Thank you for you post and encouraging other women to become financially savvy.
I hear you about the debt. Despite the fact that I have student loans I still have managed to have a positive net worth. That report was really emotional to read and I felt even more compelled to do well financially. We are the success stories!!! Wishing you continued success with your financial endeavors.