This post is heavier than most of my posts. You’ve been warned.

End of 2017 Spotify Music Playlist

(play in Chrome)

The tears caught me off guard. My eyes stinging unexpectedly at different times throughout the week. My heart would race and I was feeling anxious. People would email, call, or DM me to talk about what was going on with them:

  • They hated their job
  • They were lonely
  • Nothing was working out
  • They weren’t happy where they were living

I began to resent these moments for a number of reasons that would race through my head.

  • This is the 17th time you’ve told me about it. While I do love and care about you and your problems…until you’re willing to do something about it-I don’t want to hear about it.
  • Umm, it would be nice if you asked how I was doing…and really listened to the answer.
  • I’ve hit mental capacity and I’m unable to give you the energy that you need right now.
  • I’ve hit capacity and I’m focused on self-care right now.

2017 Sucked

For the most part. It has been a depressing, painful, and disorienting year. Every single time I turned on the t.v., looked at Facebook, glanced at Twitter, or read a paper I just thought to myself…”Now what?” My business stalled out (my fault-won’t be traveling in 2018 so that I can focus on results).

I have a family member dealing with an illness. And, it’s bad. I feel like I’m living in a country that I no longer recognize, and I’m aware that there are a lot of things that worry me that I have no control over.

Nazis and Racists

Nothing says America in 2017 like Nazis marching through the streets. Now, while I do think that there are cycles in history and that sooner or later these people would show their faces. My preference would have been when I was in my 80’s. When, I had lived a rich, full life, filled with love, happiness and all the rest. Clearly, I can’t ignore what’s going on because I’m a decent human being (and Black)  who has to take a stand against this. But, taking a stand takes energy and honestly, I have only so much.

Pervs

It feels like every other day some new perv has been unveiled. I’m trying to figure out why anyone feels like being naked with their twig and two berries, sausage and two potatoes, in the altogether feels like a good move professionally? What about that feels wrong?

Stories of professionals (I use the term loosely) behaving badly, criminally, and not giving a sh$t about the destruction they left behind because of their behavior has just exhausted me.

Shootings

Nothing says America like 600 people getting shot at one-time. Given that it’s clear Americans are ok with these situations continuing to occur, I am now working on ways to manage how this makes me feel. I don’t feel unsafe. I just feel numb. I’m unable to feel an emotion about any of this anymore…because it happens so much. 

And, since there’s no good time to talk about it because we’re always mourning. I’m done. Even though I do think we could try to have a conversation in-between shoutings…but, I digress.

Biblical Crazy Weather

And, let’s not forget the CRAZY.A$$.WEATHER. Literally taking cities (and islands) off the map. I’m still amazed (and hurt) by how Puerto Ricans have been treated during the past 3-months. The majority of the island still has no electricity. But, because so much stuff is going on…the story gets lost in the endlessly exhausting news-cycle. So, this is how we treat people?

Nuclear War 

Nothing says fun-times like having a news report saying that North Korea may consider nuking your city. In fact, I never thought that in my lifetime we would have a period of time where the potential for Nuclear War would be an active conversation. It is now. The thing about Nuclear War and weapons is that each country develops them as a deterrent to potential attacks. Because of “mutually assured destruction.” Not sure how this will end.

Being Ghosted

I’m not sure why this is a thing. Have the balls in personal or professional exchanges to say: I don’t want to date/work with you. I’ve had this happen a couple of times this year and now I have a list of organizations that I would NEVER refer people to because of this unprofessional behavior. As for being ghosted while dating-it’s lame. Just, tell people that they aren’t the one for you and move on.

Feeling Like a Failure

I consider 2017 to be my first year in business. When I reflect on previous years I feel like I didn’t completely understand what it was like to be in business. So, I was more a self-employed person spackling together a lifestyle that didn’t include going into an office.

I love my lifestyle but I wasn’t focusing on growing my business so that it will be sustainable. And, even though I experienced several professional wins, I would consider this to be a lackluster year for my business endeavors.

I’m Depressed Again

And, it’s so frustrating because I was feeling SO FREAKING GOOD, for so long. Like feeling amazing for years…until I wasn’t. I can’t control what’s going on in the world. But, I can control what I’m seeing, who I’m dealing with, and the energy that is being brought into my life.

Taking a Digital Break 

I’m working hard behind the scenes on growing my online business, collaborations, and more. I’m so excited about all of good things to come. But, in order for me to be in the right frame of mind to continue changing my life and helping others-I need a break.

I need a break from all of the crazy. I literally can’t take it right now. And, I feel good admitting it. This sh$t is driving me batsh$t crazy.

For the next 3 or 4 weeks

I will be taking a break from:

  • The news. I literally am over the news. I don’t want to start my day with something that ruins my day. And, since Charlie Rose (PERV) is now off the air. I don’t really have a news show that I would like to watch.
  • Social Media-I will be off of Facebook and Twitter for the next month. I find Facebook also to be a huge time suck as well, so I imagine I will be a lot more productive as a result.
  • Blogging-I actually will be working on content, etc. for 2018, but I think I might post one more blog post for 2017 (a much lighter one) and call a year. I have a ton of things happening in 2018 and I’m interested in looking forward and moving forward.
  • Email-as much as possible. I would love to take a complete break from email but that’s not possible.
  • Being other people’s sounding board-I’m unable to do it right now. AND, I don’t want to.
  • Umm…people-I love people…but, I need a break. I don’t want to have conversations about stuff. I just want to read a book, go hiking and focus on me.

It has been a hard year. So, I want to go off-grid for the next month. I enjoy my own company. Reading books, walking, hiking, biking, and going to dance classes or yoga. Basically, imagine that I went into the mountains and am hiking through the backcountry with no cell service. Sorry, no one can get in touch with me. And, yes, it’s the Holiday Season but I’m single, don’t have kids or a pet-it’s all about me right now (until it’s not).

I’m thinking about going to Breckenridge for a couple of days to relax and just get my mind righ. Yep, this post was a downer. But, for a person who has resting smiling face (RSF) people forget that sometimes we get unhappy. Like right now.

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I am an obsessive foodie, but not self-righteous with it, love travel, meeting new people, helping you look good, and am freaked out by people who don't enjoying reading...something! Grab a Perrier, read my blog, feel free to drop me a line! Hope to hear from you soon.

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