My friends would be amazed to find that I’m sometimes a little whimpy. Even though I pipe up in conversations, defend my point of view, and will come to the defense of people who I feel are being bullied. So, it would surprise people that in my work life a large part of my troubles stem from the following problem-“Not speaking up for myself.”
Because I didn’t speak up for myself at work I allowed myself to be bullied for far longer than I feel comfortable admitting. I also allowed myself to accept performance reviews that I didn’t reflect my quality of work due to being supervised by a person (who is LONG gone) who loathed me.
Why was I so timid? I was in debt and it was the Great Recession.
I was screwed. I was terrified because I had debt and I was at a disadvantage because people who are in debt can’t negotiate too aggressively with their place of work. I spent years feeling terrified of losing my job since I didn’t have a back up plan other than work and keep my head down.
The problem with this approach to work is that as other people were promoted ahead of me, I became more and more frustrated with how things weren’t going and honestly-it was my fault.
Fast forward several years later and I’m in a different frame of mind.
I’ve been working on my debts, I’ve learned how to manage my money, and finally, finally-I have plans that make sense to me and are doable. Now I’m unwilling to to settle for less than what is best for me.
So, I piped up at work. I asked for what I wanted and needed and it was about damn time. What did I want? I wanted time. I had vacation time, I just had to think critically about how to use it and needed to speak up for myself because if I didn’t I was communicating to MYSELF and OTHERS that my needs weren’t important.
That’s ridiculous.
So, I asked to use my vacation time every few weeks or so. I wanted to leave work several hours early a few days every couple of weeks. I would get home between 3 or 4 p.m. have time to: exercise, clean, date, work on my side business and oh you know-have a life! I also asked to take off for FinCon14, to visit my Grandma, and to go to my college reunion.
I have to admit that I was nervous because a lot was riding on this request. If it wasn’t granted then I knew I would have to leave my job in order to get my life back. The thing is, I wanted to trust my gut and and my gut said that I need some more time before making the leap to self-employment. Because when I make that leap-I’m not looking back.
So, I piped up and held my breath.
I got what I asked for!
I’m very happy because I needed to stand up for myself. I have 5 weeks of vacation time and each month I accumulate more. I have more than enough time for me-I just needed to understand that. Now I can visit my Grandma, go to FinCon14, and go to my college reunion-paid vacation.
I’ve regained my power and it’s not the power to negotiate, it’s the power of believing that I deserve the best and to speak up so that I protect my personal interests. By taking better care of myself I will be a happier person, better daughter, and a better employee.
So, every two weeks or so when I leave work at 3 p.m. and regain my life I will think about the next thing that I need to the Universe for, I won’t hold back. Because I’ve asked for too little for too long.
Now, I’m asking for everything that I’ve earned..and that’s a lot.
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Congrats on getting what you wanted! I’ve been suffering from a lack of “asserting” myself for the longest time. It’s caused me to lose out on promotions several times. It’s super frustrating especially when you know your skills and you’re thinking no one is taking me seriously. I have a severe humility streak that stops me from singing my own praises and what I’ve accomplished at work, I’ve started changing that this year. If I don’t, I won’t land a new job.
Thanks Michelle! It was a make or break situation because I was just so unhappy with how things were going-and so TIRED!! I’m physically really tired and that is affecting my ability to: take care of my physical and mental health/date/volunteer/spend time with friends and family. Also, I was getting extremely sick more and more often. I caught the flu twice this winter and that was the final straw. I need to make sure that I’m documenting all of the things that I do and collaborate on at work from now on. Also, being this tired apparently affects how nice I am. Ahem. I think I’m pretty nice-and I’ve been told this but apparently I haven’t been as nice as I thought…read the post on Monday. I’m convinced that this affects my money and my life in not a good way 🙁
What a good post! Many employers need to understand that in order for us to be more productive we need to have time to replenish our energy. It’s good that you finally spoke to them about what you needed from them and got it!
The problem is that the majority of Americans work under the pressure of increased productivity and we aren’t known for our concern about extreme worker happiness. Even though there are companies like: Google, Zappos, and Yahoo with an extreme focus on worker happiness the majority of businesses haven’t tasked themselves insuring worker happiness.
Because of that it’s even more important for workers to step it up so that when they DO ask for things that would make them better employees they will get what they asked for. The great thing about my time off is that it doesn’t take into account the OTHER time I get to take off such as 3 day weekends for 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving (4 days) and time off in December. Because I got this time off I am now very focused on kicking butt at work and preforming better than I have in a long time.
Now I will be a lot more rested and able to focus on things that I’m trying to achieve. I don’t take this opportunity for granted. I can’t wait to see what I can achieve-for myself.
It’s so important to stick up for yourself and to advocate for what’s yours. Great job! You are going to feel so refreshed!
It was very hard for me to do. But, I’ve just gotten to the point where I’m unwilling to continue settling for less than what I deserve. If I didn’t speak up, then I would continue to feel unheard..and that would be my fault.
Props for gathering the courage to stand up for yourself. It cannot have been easy, but it sucks that you had to be pushed to breaking point to get there.
I have to stay – and I don’t want to sound like I am just bashing America – but the overall work culture/attitude there just sounds less than ideal, and it’s one of the big reasons I would be loathe to move to the US. I feel things are much more balanced here in regard to both employee rights and work life balance.
Interestingly enough I actually work for an organization that is quite flexible. For example: during lunch I go hiking, or we may leave early for happy hour. HOWEVER, the internalized ideas about the proper work ethic is sometimes the bigger problem. Depending on the field that you work in (and where you live) you may have a great deal of flexibility. Worker disatisfaction has grown to the point where people are asserting themselves in ways that they haven’t done before. I really didn’t realize that I had a time problem at work. I thought I had a work problem as I’ve worked at my office for a LOOOOONG time. It wasn’t until I took a time assessment test that I really, really understood how skewed things had gotten. Until American workers adjust their thinking we will continue to have problems with work life balance. The good thing is the Affordable Health Care Medical Act is a game changer and a lot of people (myself including) are seriously looking at making the leap to self-employment because they understand that there has to be a better way to live our lives.
Good for you! Too many people, especially women, don’t stand up for themselves at work. You are entitled to your vacation time and should use it.
It was hard, but I had hit the point of no return. I just wasn’t willing to continue pushing myself past my limits.
I have a problem with being assertive and standing up for myself. For so long, I just stood back. But after leaving my job, I knew that I made the choice that was best for my family and I stood up for what was right.
Preach. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I am so glad you did what was right for you 🙂