This might be a bit of a ramble. Last night I was sitting on my coach working on some projects when I randomly thought about the movie (and book) The Joy Luck Club. If you’re unfamiliar with this book I highly recommend it. It’s the story of 4 Chinese women and their life journey and the stories of their daughters. So why was this book on my mind?
There was a project that I had accepted a week or so ago even though I felt that the pay was below what I should take for the project. It wasn’t a bad project, but I felt that I was accepting less than what I was worth and the value that I would give this client for the work that I was supposed to do for them.
The thing is I used to supervise people so I know what to consider when looking at value and the importance of the project. But ultimately I had to think about what do I expect for myself? So back to The Joy Luck Club, in the book one of the daughters always accepts what is less than the best for herself and is ridiculed for it. Her mother, though, recognizes that her daughter thinks differently about what is of value to her.
In my life I have on more than one occasion accepted what is less than what is the best for me. With boyfriends, with work, with friends, and even with family. I think that I used to fear how I would be perceived if I said “no” when a situation that was not in my best interest came up.
The problem with that is by doing that I send the Universe the wrong message about what I want for myself. So after much thought I had to turn the project down. This was very hard for me to do because I feel that’s important to “Do as you say.” But, ultimately this project was going to become a bigger deal in my life than I needed-especially for the pay that was being offered.
I had to ask myself “What do I expect for myself?” and I have to ask you “What Do You Expect For Yourself?”
Have you dated someone and they put you down or made you feel kind of crappy at the worst moments? Those relationships usually don’t last-with good reason. And the ones that do will drain you of all energy.
Have you worked a job where you try, try, and try again and no matter what you never get ahead? There is a toll that being in a situation like that takes on a person. Or, you have a person that you’re around that you always leave feeling kind of…crappy when it’s time to roll?
You Get The Treatment You Accept
There is point when you have to draw a line in the sand and say “No more-this is not acceptable and this is what I’m willing to deal with and what I’m not willing to deal with.” And you can’t waiver. You have to believe in what is right for you.
So take some time to write down the situations that you’ve allowed in the past, how they made you feel and how you would like manage your life to avoid as many negative situations as you reasonably can.
Draw Your Line in The Sand. Good luck
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“Have you worked a job where you try, try, and try again and no matter what you never get ahead?”
YES. That’s why I am self-employed now. I got tired of doing 3X the work while everyone else screwed around!
Holly, it’s like we lived the same life! I just got so frustrated (and tired) that I had to ROLL and move on.
“The problem with that is by doing that I send the Universe the wrong message about what I want for myself.” Yes so very true. I’ve constantly kicked my own ass for taking on projects which were much more compacted and time consuming than planned. I just got passed up on a project where I put in a bid which would have been AWESOME to do, and my bid was more than fair, but ultimately they passed on me. I could have offered way less, but then I would have seriously undervalued myself. It was a tough one to let go.
It was hard to change my mind after saying yes to a commitment…but, I can’t accept less than the best for myself. I think that the money will come and it is helpful that I’ve become super aware of what I am not willing to do. I’m also in the process of writing a list defining what my non-negotiables are. I’m sorry about the gig, but maybe James Franco will share your next video and you’ll end up getting a better gig that way?
Oh yea, I hear you on this one. I’ve drawn the line in the sand and set my expectations for how I want to be treated both personally and at work. You’re so right, you have to send the messages out to the Universe that you want back. As they say, negative begets negative; positive gets positive.
Sounds like you’re got everything under control! 🙂
That’s why I’ve worked so hard on being positive. I found out the hard way that being negative just doesn’t work. So, I’m trying to really, really be focused and clear about what I want and if that means I have to write it down everyday then I will do that. I no longer expect to be treated in a crappy way.
I am still at the stage where I will try and try until I achieve my goal. Hopefully, I can get what I want to be and get the perfect position I can settle with. I work at an office on weekdays and do side hustles on weekends. I am hoping as well to get it done and deliver it on time and in quality despite the work load. That’s my expectation for myself.
I love that. I always worry about people who stop trying. That’s not a good place to be. I’m not sure that there’s a “perfect” job. But,there’s an awesome job that’s out there waiting for you!!