This post was originally going to be called “A funny thing happened on the way to quitting my job.” For those of you who have read my blog for awhile (and thanks for being patient while I took a long needed break) you know that I have expressed for awhile a deep rooted dissatisfaction with my job. I had written about my disturbing longevity in my job, my loathing of my commute (it’s a long one), and my lack of a social life.
Then, things started to change. You’ve heard of the saying that when the student is ready the master (or tools) will show up? I have to say that there is a huge amount of truth in that saying. I had been trying to change my life in fits and starts as I knew what wasn’t working but still needed help with clarity and a setting a direction so that I could make things happen.
I randomly found a book at magical Goodwill called “Make Time For Your Life” which I highly, highly recommend to anyone who is trying to break out of a rut. I also read “Finding The One” which is a book on doing what you need to find love in your life. As I worked through the books-especially “Make Time For Your Life” it became clear that there were a lot of things that were being pushed to the side as I worked hard to keep my head above water. As I worked through the books I:
- Began dealing with the list of 35 energy drains that I hadn’t dealt with.
- Asked for flexibility (and vacations) from work and was approved.
- Stopped sweating the small stuff
- Started doing something social every week
- Made time for Me!!
- Made time for family and friends
- Focused on being positive
- How I felt about my personal life (didn’t have one)
- Focused on health and wellness
You Might Not Have A Job Problem But A Life Problem
I realized that I had a completely different problem then I originally had thought. I had a life problem. As things were balancing out in my life I had to admit that even though I have no intention of being a lifer at my current place of employ that I could very happily work there for the next 2 years because things had changed quite a bit. I was so focused on the past that I was actively ignoring the obvious. I don’t want to eat my words but I have to. My work life had stopped being frustrating for me. In fact, the past year at work, and especially the past 6 months have been actually pretty great (except for the commute-I will always hate it). What had changed?
- New boss who is extremely well liked and respected in our field.
- My new boss is very open to working with with her team to grow their positions and promoting them.
- Business is booming
- Because of the booming business there are tons of opportunities that have just opened up to me-if I capitalize on them.
- I work with a great team of people who work hard and do a great job.
- Negative nellies are gone from my immediate team. We laugh all day long.
- I just went to a conference for my field and came back with 10 very big action items that I can work on to grow my position so that when I leave my resume won’t just have the specialized tasks that I currently do.
- The main yearly conference that my field has every year will be held in Denver in 2 years. I have always wanted to be on that committee (think a conference of around 10,000-12,000 people) That committee will begin meeting probably at the end of this year or January 2015. I want to be on that committee.
- Me-I’ve changed. I now have a very clear direction and am reconnecting with myself. It’s a great feeling.
- I began earning money outside of my regular job so that I don’t have all of my financial eggs in one basket. I NEVER want to have that feeling again. This is perhaps the best thing I’ve done in terms of my creating a shift in how I feel about my job. I don’t feel as trapped anymore.
I have spent the past 5 months actively working on changing my life. It is my pleasure to say that I am beginning to see the results of that focus. What have I done?
- Kept things in perspective.
- Started my side business (ahem) finally sent pitches out!
- Focused on what is important.
- Said “No” to things that weren’t working for me.
- Had more fun!
- Took time off.
- Changed my furniture-yes, it makes a difference!
- Set boundaries.
- Rested more
- Got OUT OF MY HOUSE and began meeting new people.
- Joined a kickball league=exercise and people
- Stopped looking backwards and have really focusing on now and the future. The past is done.
- Acknowledge my mistakes with others, apologized and try to begin again.
- Create a 2 year plan that is workable re: Life, Health, Business, Savings, and Debt (June 2014-June 2016)
And isn’t funny how I am now very grateful that I didn’t start dating someone before going through this process? I feel like I will be a much better person to be with because I am actively working on my sh$t. I am the happiest that I’ve been in a very long time and I would strongly, strongly encourage everyone who feels stuck to check out “Make time for your life.” It’s hard to admit that my problems all stemmed from how I was (not) living my life. In the Personal Finance Blogging world there are a ton of entrepreneurial people out there who are working for themselves, making money, and have fairly flexible schedules. They are my idols.
But the ones whose stories I love the most are the ones who continued to work their full-time jobs well past the time their earnings surpassed their monthly job earnings. Then, they decided to make that change permanently. I am excited to do the same but it is still not time yet to strike it out on my own and now that I have the flexibility that I need to live my life: the ability to leave work early, plenty of vacation time, and professional development opportunities that didn’t exist before I will continue to grow my side business, pay off debt, and save. I’m planning on taking a big trip during the winter and I’m super excited!! It will be from December 25, 2014-January 18, 2015. This is a trip that I’ve procrastinated on for awhile and now I need to get it done. I will be finalizing the time off request this week but I already know that the request will be approved. I love paid vacations!! Now, I just have to work like a Rock Star.
I bet you’re surprised by my change of heart. I am too, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the big picture and now that things are coming together I no longer feel like I am wandering around aimlessly. I now have a very clear sense of direction and it is a wonderful feeling. I finally know what I want:
- Personally
- Professionally
- Financially
If you find yourself struggling at work, work might not be your problem. It could be how you’re living your life. Work with a Life Coach, read some books on living the life you want, meditate, go for long walks, or write in your diary. Get raw. Be honest with yourself. Then create an action plan. Implement your plan. Keep trying, it’s a process. Good luck.
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Glad you’ve come to some solid conclusions as far as work and you are much happier now! Hope you have a really fun summer!
It took forever to really “hear” what I was feeling if you get my drift. I am now able to really focus on what’s important for me and am super excited about the things that are coming up! Next time you come to Dtown I’ll take you to Movies on the Rocks. Tomorrow they are showing “Fight Club” It’s sooo much fun. Denver in the summer is a huge party. Wishing you a kick a@@ summer too. Talk to you soon.
I am so glad to hear that things are looking a lot better! It sounds like there has been a LOT of change over the past few months, which is really fantastic.
I am finally feeling super energized and focused. It has taken a lot of work (and money) to get things going in the direction that I was hoping for. I must admit that I’m annoyed with myself for procrastinating at dealing with my sh$t for so long. Oh well, you live and learn!
This post is awesome! I am happy to see that you feel like your hard work is paying off!
That quote when the student is ready, the teacher will appear is something I have seen shown up in my life as I’m working on changing my life as well. Good luck to you in the future!
I’m glad that you enjoyed it! I must admit I kind of felt like a ninja writing the student/teacher part. But, it’s sooo true! Sending you good thoughts on your journey. Keep me posted. We are Rock Stars!
I was literally thinking on the bus today that job satisfaction is great, but LIFE satisfaction is more important.
Great minds…I live in a wonderful place but I wasn’t feeling happy about how my life was going. It’s amazing to me that focusing for 5 months on my life has made such a difference. I continue working on my list but there is a big difference dealing life when there is a deep since of clarity and focus. When I started blogging I just had no focus or direction and it was super frustrating (and exhausting). I have so much energy now it’s unbelievable.
Good job and congrats Michelle. It sounds like you worked hard to get where you are at and I’m excited for you. It always feels good to have the attitude and hard work come together for something great 🙂
Thanks! It has taken a long, long, long time to get everything to come together. I found it so exhausting not having a sense of what I wanted or where I was going. Now, I can focus on other things. Finally.
That sounds like an excellent book…and I am so glad to hear you’re happier!
I used to move in and out of a miserable place at my old job and it got really bad before I quit. I agree with you that a lot of it is mental. I was much happier when I focused on the positives about my job.
I’m much happier. Now, let’s be clear I DON’T want to be there forever, but, I can manage another 2 productive and focused years now that I have the possibility of learning new things and not being roadblocked. And, I can take kick a@@ vacations. I’m just focused now on what’s more important: love, relationships, health, wealth, and travel. Boom!
Michelle, what an awesome post that I SO needed today. THANK YOU, and thanks to Tonya for sharing the link. So very excited for you that you found this new revelation, and am looking forward to starting my own. And isn’t it funny that, on that last list, the thing that really stuck out to me was “change the furniture” ? 🙂
Hi Laurie! I’m glad it helped. I must admit that I spent a lot of time journaling and thinking about my journey and what hasn’t been working. Now that things have stabilized substantially at work I can focus on my freelancing business. If you’re at FinCon14 I have to tell you the furniture story-there’s more to it and I think the story will make you laugh. Am sending you good energy and can’t wait to hear what your next adventure will be 🙂
I’m so glad you shared this Michelle (and Tonya too for sharing it so I could find it!) I feel like I’m in same boat you were in. I feel lost and I’m not sure where to go next. This indecision is stressing me out and leaving me feel paralyzed so I do the worst thing possible – which is nothing. I am going to get that book because it sounds exactly like the kick in the pants I need. And I suspect, like you discovered, the root of the problem is a life problem and once I work that out, the job problem will fix itself. I’m glad things at work are so much better and I know you’ll be sitting on the committee. 🙂
Tanya, I can’t tell you how stressed out not having a super clear sense of direction was for me. Because I had no sense of direction if was difficult to implement action plans because I had no idea what my end game was. The book is fantastic. I read the 1999 edition, she has an e-book out and I think I might check it out and see if she added additional exercises. Now that I have a clear idea re: work, I feel a lot more relaxed and am able to focus on the weight/dating/money. I have been hit on more in the past 2 months then in the past couple of years. It finally feels like things are shifting in a good way. Let me know what you think about the book!
What a transformation! You bring up very good points. When people are unhappy, they usually blame their job, when it reality it can be much more than that. I have got to check out this book!
Lisa, my job WAS a huge problem for a longtime. I had a very bad boss and a very angry colleague who would walk by me for 6 years and ignore me if I spoke to her. Really. Since it was during the Great Recession I just couldn’t leave me job at that time. Both of those individuals have been gone for about 2 years and the situation was so stressful with them that it took me awhile to decompress from it. HOWEVER, I really wish that I had begun looking at how my life was going at that time…I clearly wasn’t ready to go through the process at that time. If you read the book let me know what you think of it!
So glad you are back blogging Michelle! I hope you got some wonderful rest. It sounds like you got some fantastic perspective. I think if you can stay at your job as long as you can, and when you are good and ready, then you can leave and it will make sense. I have just gotten the taste of freelance and it is tempting me! I am not at the quit-my-job status at all, but I think about it. But things have been getting better, and I oscillate. This post reminds me to look at the whole picture and also not be too hasty. Things come in time.
Thanks Melanie. I really needed the rest and had a great time in San Diego. I’m going to just focus, grab all the new opportunities that have come up and grow my freelancing business. Because when I leave-I’m not looking back. At this point I just need to focus on debt repayment, health, love, friends, and family. Now that the work sector has cleared up I have the mental capacity to get some other things done. It’s a relief and you’re right-things come in time. It’s just hard when it feels like it’s taking forever!!!
Congrats, so happy for you! I’m very happy for you that you’ve worked things out and have a renewed energy for life, job etc. I’m experiencing a lot of what you were and I’m looking forward to getting it turned around too. I’m going to the library today to pick up Make Time for your Life, can’t wait to read it! 🙂
Thanks Michelle. It has taken a lot of time, blogging, journaling, thinking, and just taking time on getting my head in the game. I have had some tough things come up recently as well and had to figure out a process to keep focused in addition to dealing with that. By the way, the name is Take Time for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson (I realized I wrote the name incorrectly)