When I was 17 years old I graduated from high school and went on my own to college. I took the train by myself with a couple of suitcases and a steamer trunk of stuff. I stopped in Illinois for a month and was spoiled by my grandmother. Then I continued on. To a school in the East that I’d never visited because we didn’t have the money to visit it. I and my mom took a leap of faith that everything would work out. That first year was tough. Even though I’m from Colorado, the city that I was living in was FREEZING! There was lake effect snow and the winters were dark. I found myself homesick and depressed and would ask my mom if I could come home every time we talked on the phone. She would always say to stick it out, and so I did.
I had no idea about budgeting but I did understand the concept of hard work and was very comfortable with idea of working hard to attain my goals. My mother had worked hard to shelter me from the difficulties of life, of money, and of disappointments. The things is-and I’m saying this to all parents-there is a fine line between sheltering a child and making a child unable to deal with the difficulties of life.
I was a sweet sheltered kid from a small town and I was an easy target for credit card companies. I had no idea that the first credit card and my college tuition would become a life long burden. For as long as I can remember (since I was a kid) there has been tension about money, lack of, and of owing other people. Do you recall your first money memories? I just remember my mom working so hard, and a constant low-mid grade tension and fear of “what could happen.”
After graduation I continued on the path that I was on. I had added more cards to the mix, plus student loans. I remember getting called in to the Office of Financial Aid to sign my check. These are some of the largest checks I’ve ever seen in my life-TO THIS DAY! I did receive a lot of large grants as well…still…it was a lot of money. I continued to work hard and I began traveling abroad. I did it cheaply but I didn’t take care of the festering mess that I left back home. It wouldn’t go away! No matter how much I ignored it.
Fast-forward to now. I am now wanting to start a new chapter to my life. But, in order for me to start the new chapter I have to deal with the old one. Dealing with the old chapter meant finally dealing with my debt.
The thing that I’ve discovered is that I seem to have a mental block, shift, or fear of being debt free. What will life be like without that constant low grade stress? Prisoners experience a high level of trauma once they are freed after being imprisoned for long periods of time. It is disorienting, unnerving, and their concept of reality is turned upside down. I realize that I’ve been existing in a prison of my own making through a mix of ignorance and lack of accountability once that ignorance was gone.
The mental shift, not the hard work is truly the hardest barrier that one must break through during a debt elimination journey. Routines even bad ones, become comforting. The thing is I’ve begun to dream big again and there is only room for so many things in my life and debt isn’t something that I want to accommodate anymore.
I dream of being debt free, having a family, owning a lot of income producing property, living abroad, and being on the Amazing Race. Debt is holding me back. Fear of dealing with my sh$t was holding me back for a long time. Not anymore.
Are you afraid to pay off debt? Why? If you have already paid off your debt what was your biggest fear and how did you kick it to the curb?? What do you dream of?
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don’t be scared! you just have to change your mindset.
A mind(set) is a terrible thing to waste! LOL. Honestly, I can’t believe how much your mentality affects everything!! It’s so annoying.
I’m totally afraid of being debt free! Ya know why? Because then I’m going to have to do something else with my money, like invest it. And investing is hard and I don’t wanna learn! Hmmph.
Freezing with lake effect snow, huh? Any chance you went to school in Ohio/Michigan? Cleveland winters suck!
Great post, Michelle :).
(Look I totally made time to comment!)
You know what maybe the freedom to make choices is scary too? God, when will it all end?? Geez. Lake Effect Snow=Upstate New York! Those winters suck. And yes, you totally wrote a comment. Hehe.
I think because I’ve been on and off with being in debt over the year I never really had a “fear” per say. But I do understand where you’re coming from. Look what happens when a majority of the population wins the lotto…they blow through it quickly because their minds haven’t been “trained” on how to deal with the amount of money they now have in their hands. But I somehow suspect you’ll be OK. The best way to deal with fear is face it head on. 🙂
I think the real fear is…what if I pay it off and mess up my $$ again? OR, what if I CAN’T?? It’s very paralyzing! But, you’re right. I just have to face it head on and go for it.
I can’t wait to get out of debt, and I don’t think I will be afraid at all. It has held me in bondage for so long, and I can’t imagine anything but excitement about my freedom when it comes.
I do know that you mean about changing your mind. Everyone knows how to get out of debt (the same with losing weight), but it takes real discipline to execute that plan!
By the way, did you go to school in or near Buffalo??
To be honest I can’t wait either. I think I just had to be honest about the fact that I had let fear keep me from moving forward and that I was afraid of the process. Good call-it was actually Rochester!!!
I’m not afraid to pay off debt. I’m literally counting down the days until I am debt-free when I type out my monthly debt repayment updates lol. I loved the picture you used for this post! How perfect 🙂
Now that I’m totally committed to the process I am so excited. It will take several years-I’m thinking 3..but, it’s totally doable.