I had two other post ideas for today but for some reason this post was the one that I decided to go with. I was having a conversation with someone who complained about ageism being the reason why they were having difficulties in the job market. I found myself reacting impatiently and said that age is just an excuse for not fighting for what you want.
We finished our conversation and it kept echoing through my mind. What excuses have I made to keep myself from pushing harder for the things I want. The thing is excuse walks hand and hand with fear. So, I thought I would share some of my excuses for why I haven’t been doing the things that I want to be doing with my life.
What I want: To meet “The One!”
- Excuse(s)-I don’t know anyone. That excuse was valid to a certain degree. I hadn’t realized how small my immediate social circle had gotten until I took a closer look at it. It was quite a wake up call. Then, I had to suck it up and admit that I wasn’t going to meet new people from inside the sanctity of my home. Even, if I were doing online dating.
- Solution-I have set a goal of trying to meet new people every time I go outside my home. I don’t have to get to know them deeply, I just have to get in the habit of meeting new people. Saying “hi”, and engaging in the chit chat that Americans tend to enjoy with complete strangers (but freaks foreigners out!) I have begun going to Speed Dating and started going to Meet Ups again. While I have a lot of wonderful friends several have moved, a number live overseas, and a number are married and have kids so I need to meet new people. I don’t necessarily need to meet new single friends, but I do need to meet more people. Who have single guy friends who want to date! Initially it has been a bit contrived (in my mind) but, I finding that I’m getting a lot more comfortable with with it and feeling like my old self again. I’ve also noticed that I am being approached A LOT more than I have in the past few years. It is super exciting.
- Excuse(s) NPR said that Black Women don’t want to get married. Mass media keeps sending out all of these messages about the state of Black Women and marriage. I have to admit that as a Black woman sometimes I am overwhelmed by these messages and find that these negative messages were affecting my self-esteem. I don’t think that I’m the only Black woman out there who was close to buying into this bull. I am just as desirable and wonderful as any other potential life partner that any man would want. I do have my special quirks…a love of Firefly, am an avid foodie, addicted to travel, obsessed with reading, have a mild obsession with Miami Vice…ok, the list is long. Then point is that there is a guy out there who will find me adorable and intriguing.
- Solution-Stop listening to the Naysayers. Believe that I am “The One” for someone out there. Keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying.
What I want: To Be Debt Free!
- Excuse(s)-I don’t make enough money.
- Solution-Make more money. I am in the process of adding hours to my day and creating a system to stay organized so that I can work harder at freelancing, side hustles, etc. I also make more than enough money at my full-time job and discovered through being intentional with my money I was able to stop the bleeding. While I do have several debts, I finally feel like it’s possible to take of them with the money that I currently make.
- Excuse(s)-I’m overwhelmed by all of my debt.
- Solution-Get organized and understand that it will take time to resolve! I realized that I was overwhelmed because I had too many debts and too many things going on in general. I unintentionally and intentionally began to take time to create a plan that I could succeed at doing. So far this year I have paid off two cards (ran up one a little bit again will pay it off on November 29, 2013 plus another one!) I also know exactly how much I owe and have a plan to repay that debt with the money that I currently earn. I am trying to sustain a healthy but brisk pace of debt repayment. I think it will take 3 years to pay everything off and I anticipate that there will some life changes as well (marriage, a baby!) so I am saving for that.
- Excuse(s)-I’m broke.
- Solution-Understanding that I have been cash poor but not broke. Being grateful for what I had. Understanding that I have more than enough and more than other people. Learning to be satisfied with what I have. Everything else is just the icing on the cake. Not feeling a sense of “lack” and needing stuff to take care of whatever I felt I was lacking. I have also begun to actively work on saving cash money! It is amazing how good I feel having increasing amounts of cash in my accounts. I feel very empowered at this point in time.
What I want: To lose weight!
- Excuse(s)-I don’t have enough time!
- Solution-Get up early. I will admit that I have been working on getting up early for months now. MONTHS. Finally, Fall Back came to rescue me and I have been getting up at 5:00 a.m. I should also mention that I am NOT a morning person. But, no one wants to listen to someone whine about something that they aren’t doing anything about.
- Excuse(s)-I work at an office. I can’t move around enough.
- Solution-I got a pedometer and have made a pact to walk 10,000 steps a day. That’s a little under 2 miles a day. I have a mini stair stepper at home so I can get started before I go to work.
- Excuse(s)-It’s too expensive to join a weight loss community. I need support!
- Solution-I joined SparkPeople.com it is a free online community where I’ve created a profile. I log in my daily calories and exercise. I also read Success Stories, members in the media, and am able to join virtual groups who are training for 1/2 marathons, etc.
There are a couple of other things that I want to change but the post is already a long one. The point I’m trying to make is that we all have excuses for not going after what we really want. Either you will hit a breaking point where you don’t give a sh$t about all of the excuses and will work to find a solution…or you won’t.
I have been stuck many years longer than I should have been because I clung to all of the excuses of why I couldn’t achieve what I wanted to achieve. I am not trying to harsh on people, I’m just hoping that this post helps provide the push to help anyone who is feeling stuck to move forward.
Readers offer some solutions!!
What are you wanting in your life? What are/have been your excuses to keep from moving forward? What solutions did you employ to help move you forward?
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NPR said that Black Women don’t want to get married…what? Shame on your NPR, that’s the most foolish thing I’ve ever heard. Some people (black, white, latina, asian, pink…) don’t want to get married, I don’t think it’s fair or fact to say that a whole group of people don’t want to get married. You absolutely deserve a wonderful counterpart and I’m sure you’re going to find him soon! Don’t give up.
My current excuse is total tied into my weight loss. I don’t have time…no I don’t MAKE time to exercise or prepare healthy meals and then I eat crap. I really need to stop making excuses and start making things happen. Thanks for the motivation!
NPR actually did a poll…the thing that I think that they didn’t take into account was how black women are affected by constant talk of them (us) not getting married. I truly believe that a lot of the women polled didn’t believe that it was possible for them so that it was better to say that they were fine being single. I just don’t buy it and if you listen to the audio on that report you could hear it in the voices of the women. They didn’t believe that having a committed significant other was possible for them. It made me sad-and mad! I have a number of friends (of all ethnicities) who have become my motivators and mentors re: finding “The One.” Almost all of them have met someone after sustained, focused effort. They kept putting themselves out there. I’m also having a problem with losing weight too. Blah.
I think you are right that a lot of people have fear and excuses holding them back. I have been meaning to exercise more, but I tell myself I don’t have the time, when I could make the time for it. I’ve also been wanting to wake up earlier for a while now, and keep failing. I need to kick my butt out of bed in the morning, or get to bed earlier. I thought with turning the clocks back, it would be easier, but it’s like it never happened. Good for you for making a list and outlining everything you can do! I think it’s a great way to highlight your goals.
I should emphasize again that I am NOT a morning person so getting up this early is rough. I just got so sick of being out of shape. Feeling winded when doing things and my clothes don’t fit properly. I just couldn’t complain (whine) about it any more if I wasn’t doing anything about it. You’ll figure out something that will work for you.
I have no excuse for not losing weight! I thought it would be just like paying off debt – set the target and off I go – but it just hasn’t/isn’t happening! I even need to lose weight for health reasons but still can’t do it.
I’ve made the decision that if I don’t have any success between now and the New Year then I’m joining WW as I clearly need outside help.
Hey, have you heard about Sparkpeople.com ? It’s a great FREE website where you can set up a profile, track your food, and connect with other people also working on weigh loss. I use it and when I use it consistently I achieve good results.
How does that guy keep his hood on while he’s running? 🙂 I think mapping out all of the roadblocks (or excuses) and what you can do to get over them is a great idea! I think i use the excuse of fear too much, or creating too much work for myself.
That’s ShayCarl. He’s pretty big on the internet! All he does is make videos with his family and live the life.
I’ve been wanting to lose weight ever since the Freshmen 15 came into my life 🙁 Waking up early is definitely a help, but I still struggle with that damn snooze button!
I hit the snooze button more times than I can count! Keep trying. Let me know how it goies.
I want more money. My initial excuse was that I’m not making enough money compared to my peers, I should be making more at my age, etc. I wish I started acting on it sooner than just complaining about it.
I’m making a list of things that I want to do with my blog to increase its monetizing potential and just trying to stay motivated. It isn’t easy.
Like you, I am definitely not a morning person. I tend to work out in the evenings after work and on weekends. I don’t know how people can do it at 6:00 am.
Word. I want more money too!!It’s time to push the envelope. At the end of December I’m taking a week off of blogging/online stuff so that I can rest and re-energize myself. I’m exhausted! Maybe that’s something you should consider doing too? The mornings are rough for me. Keep hitting snooze!