I finished working my long notice at my job of 10 years on December 16, 2014. On December 17, 2014 I was flying to Hawaii and then eventually to Australia for a much needed rest and to take some time to figure out “what’s next.” I had committed to the idea of working as a freelancer but wasn’t sure how that would look for me. I’d spent a lot of time observing super successful freelancers in the blogosphere and had a pretty good idea about what they were doing to create that success and wanted to create my own success.
There were a number of reasons why I decided to leave my job and the biggest one was that the way I was working-with a long commute, lack of energy, and increasing isolated was starting to scare me because eventually there would be a point of no return where I wouldn’t be able to imagine a different life. A life with people, dinner parties, and love.
Working in the way that I was I increasingly felt alone in a crowded room and so I decided to quit my job. On the very rare occasion I was asked about being lonely if I didn’t work in an office I would say I wasn’t worried about that and the reason was that I was already lonely.
For the past 10 years I worked a wonderful job (even though it drove me crazy towards the end). I worked with basically the same people for the past 10 years and still consider them friends. But, the things that I wanted in my personal life I just couldn’t manage because I was tired.
And it began to get very annoying because no one understood HOW FREAKING TIRED I WAS. And, I’m glad they didn’t because in order to understand they would have had to work the same ridiculous schedule that I worked for years. Let’s review it:
Old Work Schedule:
4:30 a.m.-5:30 a.m. Wake up, try to exercise,clean, or do something for me
6:40 a.m.-I typically left my house at this time. Dreaded the commute.
8:30 a.m.-Arrive at work 1/2 late even though the bus I was on was supposed to arrive at 8:00 a.m. For the past 3 (?) years there has been extensive construction on the highway that I was commuting on. Started everyday anxious because I arrived later than I wanted to. I would work through several lunch hours a week if I arrived late to balance it out. This was a bummer because I usually would hike or go to yoga during lunch hour 🙂
8:30-5:00 p.m. work
5:15 p.m.-Leave for home
7:00 p.m.-Get home shattered. Prepare dinner if it wasn’t prepped already (usually it was) try to figure out what I was going to wear for the next day, and just vegged out in front of the t.v. I also would blog at this time. **All social events that I wanted to participate in would have finished by now or would have started already. I would have been at least an hour late for most things I was hoping to do**
11:00 p.m. Usually this was when I would go to bed. *So I was averaging around 5 hours a sleep a day and would explain the high level of exhaustion I was dealing with towards the end.
This schedule doesn’t reflect the following: all of the car accidents that delayed me getting home until around 8:00 p.m., the events that I worked for my organization that would finish around 10:00 p.m. or took place on Saturdays.
My old schedule also reflects a stunning amount of lost personal time. My increasing social isolation really became apparent to me as my friends got married, had children, or just had the time to do the things that were important to them. It was very hard to articulate to people why I was so tired. Maybe if I had a typed up schedule to show them they would have understood!
Most people tend to go to happy hours right after work, exercise groups, or other activities where they meet their friends. I just wanted to go home. On the increasingly rare occasion that I would go to happy hour or some other social situation I would get home around 9:00 p.m. or 10:00 p.m. and still have to unwind and prepare for the next day. Then, I would wake up at 4:30 a.m.-5:30 a.m. Towards the end of my old job I just couldn’t do it anymore. So, I stopped going out.
I didn’t have time for myself and my financial situation complicated everything because I felt obligated to continue working my job so that I could get out of debt. Everyday I had to rally. Do you know how it feels to rally every single day? And on the rare occasions when I just couldn’t take it anymore and would meet friends for a drink I would literally have to look in the mirror and say “You can do this.”
Who wants to rally every single time you go out?
So, I slowly just stopped going out because I was just done. Then one day I had enough and I wanted to take my life back. Freelancing presented its own special set of challenges like the fact that I didn’t have the energy to grow the business before I quit. Which was somewhat crazy. But continuing to live a life where I was alone in a crowded room was no longer working for me. Life was not meant to be lived like this. So-I quit my job.
I’m Glad I Quit My Job
It has been hella intense financially, but, in terms of my ability to meet people and grow my network it has been the best decision I could have made for myself in a long-time. The Denver/Boulder metro area has huge numbers of people who work for themselves, or work outside of traditional workspaces. I go to coffee shops a 2-3 times a week to work outside of the home and am surrounded by tons of people doing the same. I have begun meeting people in my neighborhood at my coffee shop. In fact, my coffee shop is considered to be one of the top 24 coffee shops in the U.S. (I would agree-it rocks)
I’ve begun going to Meetup groups again, will begin running in a running group (it starts at 6:00 p.m. at a local bar) and will be joining a kickball league. I’m attending networking events, and will begin volunteering in the next week or so for a cool organization that I’ve been wanting to volunteer with for years. I go to the gym, go to yoga, and have already started reconnecting with my friends and spending more time with my mom.
I’ve spent more time with myself. Meditating, exercising, and just doing the things that are important to me. Like cleaning my home! The thing is, my situation wasn’t unique. Many American workers find themselves increasingly working more for organizations that require them to work harder without increasing their pay and many people live far from where they work. It has been quite overwhelming and a bit of a heady experience reconnecting with old friends and putting myself in the position to meet new people.
I NEVER (not ever-NEVER) want to be in that situation again. Life is short. I don’t want to squander this precious gift. There is a book that many people in the personal finance blogosphere recommend and it’s “Your Money or Your Life.” It’s super boring, but the most important part of the book is this: “every hour you work (or do something) it’s an exchange of what the authors call “life energy.”
You can’t get lost life energy back so I would encourage you to think about what’s important to you. Think about how you can facilitate the life that you want for yourself. I would also read the following book “Take time for your life.” It was hugely instrumental in helping me see where my time was going and helped me figure out what I wanted and what I needed to live my best life.
Have You Ever Felt Alone in A Crowded Room?
What Do You Think You Can Do To Change That?
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I’m with you- prioritizing yourself as human, not just an income machine is essential. Even if it means taking a pay cut, it’s a risk I’ve found worth taking.
I was at the point where I would prefer to drastically cut my expenses in order to grow my life. I am not a machine and it has been worth it.
I feel so similarly to how you felt before quitting. I feel like there is no time to be me or to enjoy life. I’m so glad you made the leap and I feel so encouraged following your journey!
I was just getting very depressed and I want a family and friends.These things were rapidly going away because I didn’t have time for them. So, the easy fix was to make time for them.
This is probably why I’ll have to move in with a roommate at this point. I don’t want to give up on my dream but something has to give. I wish you nothing but the best my friend.
I’ve lived with roommates before and really liked it. I think the key is to have your own bathroom 🙂 I wish you the best too and am sending good vibes.
HI Michelle – I read often and comment irregularly. Can I ask why you didn’t move closer to work (not saying work was great etc, etc, but that would have solved the commute part). I worked six months with a 1hr each way pub transit commute and got OVER it. Now I have a 40 min drive (and the car/costs are free as part of my role with less pay). I hear you so loud and clear tho.
That is a very reasonable and fair question to ask! Yes, moving would have solved the problem but I worked in the town that I grew up in. I did NOT (and do not) want to live there again even though it is ranked as one of the best small towns in the United States. I really love living in Denver and I had purchased a home. I pay $600 a month in mortgage expenses in one of the best neighborhoods in Denver. I would never be able to purchase another home that was that inexpensive in my hometown. Also, Boulder (my hometown) has a serious lack of diversity that as an adult I just don’t want to deal with. Also, remember that the Recession hit around the time I was going to originally quit my job. I had a weird feeling (a bad “vibe”) and so I decided to stay at the job and i”m glad that I did. Australians have no idea how bad it got here (thank goodness!). So, at the time it was a good decision.
Minus waking up so early, my schedule is fairly similar to what yours used to be. I feel like all of my energy goes to work and I don’t have as much time as I would like to dedicate to other things that are important to me. I can’t quite imagine just how exhausted you were with less sleep and a longer commute! I read Take Time For Your Life last year after you posted about it and it really made me realize that my current life is not in line with my priorities. I’m working on fixing it now. It’s good to hear that you’re reclaiming your time and energy for what matters most to you.
I was soooo freaking tired Jessica. I can’t even begin to believe how tired I was. Wow. I am so excited that you read Take Time for Your Life!! It is such an amazing book and so nonjudgmental. I am so grateful that it crossed my path. I can’t wait to hear how things move forward for you. Keep me posted!
ah Michelle, I know what you mean about being ‘so freaking tired’ – good on you for taking the leap and I hope you enjoyed your holiday downunder 🙂 I’m working towards leaving in a couple of years, need to get my debt down and build up some other income first but its really lovely reading that someone else gets it. 🙂 all the best with your freelancing
I had a wonderful time in Australia. It’s an absolutely beautiful country and I got to hang out at the beaches of Sydney and go to the Australian Tennis Open. I wish I could have managed this transition in a smoother way but I did what was best for me. The Great Recession also played a huge role in delaying my departure from my job. I will forever be grateful for that job but I am so GLAD that I moved on. Now, I have to hustle. I look forward to reading about your journey Jan 🙂
Reading your previous schedule made me cry. I don’t have a commute, but I can see how it contributed to your being debilitated [tired]. Not having the life we want is a common problem that, is all too often, the result of the debt noose. Moving towards meaningful work and a life balance is the goal of myself and many others. Congrats on your start.
Trust me-I cried a lot too LOL! I’m so happy that you don’t have a commute or crappy debt. Even though it has been stressful I didn’t imagine that it would be smooth. So, I’m just going with the flow and taking each day as it comes.
I can’t believe you managed to work for years with that schedule and not go completely crazy. The worst thing about these kind of jobs is that you’re constantly stressed out and tired but somehow you fail to realize that it can be better. It’s a common misconception that ones job must suck and that you should hate your job and find it boring which is sooo not true.Those are all just excuses for those who are too afraid to do anything about it. High five for you for deciding to change your life for the better!
I did go completely crazy and was a total b$tch because I was so tired. It was allegedly a great job: state job, great benefits…but I was never going to move up. I would always move laterally and I was at the top of the pay scale for that organization. I am much, much happier and have been enjoying meeting new people, taking care of my health (today I’m sick and resting), and thinking creatively to scale up my business.
I love your post! You covered so many important things.
Wow, your schedule was packed!
Glad you’re feeling more peaceful. Wishing you all the best!
I hope you will share your story with our Link Up – Idea box:
http://milaslittlethings.com/2015/05/idea-box-thursday-link-party-9.html
Hugs,
Mila
Thanks Mila, my old schedule really sucked! I am feeling better but just need to stay focused and on task. I truly appreciate your kind words and support! Things are getting better and I’m feeling pretty good!
I love that you took the risk and quit your job. I know how that schedule feels. It sucks the life out of you.
It hasn’t been easy-but it was definitely the right choice!
Thanks for this post. I have grown very tired, lonely, and isolated with my current job. Exactly as you mentioned, by the time I am done I am so tired or there is nothing left to do bec most social events are done by then. I know in my heart it is time to quit but i keep psychinf myself out of it. Exactly the same sentiment I share; I want my goddamn life back! I have drafted my resignation letter last week and still haven’t handed it in.
Though my mind says stay because it is “secure” my heart had long lost it’s joy. I became a zombie…an undead. All my friends have moved on, got married, raising kids…I, in my 39 years suddenly found myself standing alone naked in the middle of the square but there is no one to watch me. I have become invisible.
(Long deep breath)
Yep, I will hand in my notice on Monday.
Dee, I have walked in your shoes. Just have a well thought out plan because starving isn’t cute. Do I regret quitting? NO? Could I have executed the process better? Of Course? Should I have saved more money? Yes! Could I have paid off more debt before quitting-HELL YES! But, I’m an adult and my life is my life and I wasn’t living it. Is my depression gone? Yep. Things aren’t perfect-but, that’s life. I don’t spend a lot of time reflecting on how things would have been if I stayed in my old job…I think that’s a post. Just work your a@@ off at whatever you decide to do next. I also was so worn out that I ended up sleeping like a narcoleptic for almost 4 weeks after I quit. I was worn out. Sending you good vibes.
Actually…this is about the most coherent description of why someone would want to leave their job that I’ve read in a while. Sounds like the commute wasn’t great and the work wasn’t all that exciting.
Thanks James!