Throughout the years that I have been blogging from time to time I find myself writing a post that is not explicitly about personal finance. Today is one of those days. But, I think that what I’m going to write about today does touch on finance as well.
Check Your Heart
What on earth am I talking about? Well, this week brought the heartbreaking news that 9 Black churchgoers were gunned down during a prayer meeting. The alleged shooter sat for an hour in the meeting before shooting the victims and explaining (basically) that they were the problem.
I disagree. The hate in his heart was the problem. The thing is when I say to people to check your heart, I’m not talking about the actual physical functioning of your heart. I’m talking about how you feel about other people and your perceptions about how you think their actions affect YOUR life.
Now, let’s be clear-if you’re a victim of an actual event such as: a crime, or documented/undocumented provable bias then I understand your anger at other people. HOWEVER, there is a point where your anger grows, and grows, and grows. Until, your ability to see things for what they really are is clouded by hate and anger. This happens to all kinds of people regardless of race, gender, or the place that they live in.
How To Check To See If Your Heart Is In Trouble
- Do you get angry about other people because of their color, gender, lifestyle?
- Are these people that you know or DON’T know?
- Do you wonder why you even care what THEY are up to?
- Do you drop comments that include the phrases “Those people are: dangerous/taking my job/my men/my women/etc?”
- Do you grab your purse when certain types of people walk past you? (You should always be holding your purse by the way)
- Ask yourself why are you so angry and why do you even care?
Check Yourself
If you’re finding yourself angry about other people as whole ask yourself “WHY?” And then, I challenge you to do the following: Ask yourself how you are YOUR OWN PROBLEM?!
So many people want to blame other people for their problems:
- Why you aren’t dating
- Why you don’t have a job
- Why people don’t like you
How To Own Your Problems and Change Your Life
*There are some people who need a lot of help due to poverty, etc. I will address that.*
- Why aren’t you dating? Sign up for online dating or go to speed dating. Start going to Meetups, get out of your FREAKING House. And stop being a victim and a whiner. If you’re profoundly shy talk to a therapist, talk to your pastor, cleric, or rabbi. There are hundreds of millions of people who are in this country looking for love. Skinny, fat, mid-sized, black/white/hispanic/female/male/without gender. Etc. Someone is out there for you. You just have to put in the work and believe and have your heart open.
- Why you don’t have a job-*This one is tricky if you live in a town that is dying or is losing jobs at a rapid clip means you will have to make some hard choices. You might have to leave. You will have to take some time to figure out what a new town will offer you. You will have to figure out what services are offered in the new communities that you’re looking at relocating to. What is the cost of living? What types of jobs are available? What types of education do you need in order to get hired on? There are tons of service oriented jobs: how do you attain the skills to do that work? Get over your pride. I cleaned super poo with a Master’s Degree. Super Poo. I joke but it was quite frankly NASTY. And, I would do it again. I worked at Starbucks, I would work on lawns, I will knock on doors over and over again until I get what I want. So, when you complain about not having a job-WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO? Instead of complaining about and focusing on other people-what are you willing to do to create work for yourself?.= And YES, other people will get in your way. But, that’s survival of the fittest and being in the land of capitalists.
- Why People Don’t Like You-Maybe, just maybe you’re a b$tch or an a@@hole? Maybe you’re a narcissist and talk about yourself all of the time?! Maybe people get sick of you complaining about other people? Making mean spirited jokes-that just aren’t funny. Because, maybe, just maybe they think you might be complaining and making fun of them too? Maybe they are sick of your “woe is me” litany…especially if you’re not doing anything to help others or help yourself. Spend some time examining your thoughts. You know if you’re not nice. It’s not rocket science…it’s just a question of being able to admit that you are your own problem.
Get help. Before hate eats your heart and you do something that you can’t turn back from. Or, become a person that you can no longer identify. Because at the end of the day, I’m not your problem. You’re your own problem, so what are you going to do about it?
#NotYourScapegoat
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The church shooting is a terrible tragedy on so many levels. It was a hate crime, obviously, and I suspect it might have been a hate crime on more than one level (race AND religion) though I need to read more about it to be sure.
I’m white, so I know I’ll never know the problems that ethnic minorities face on a daily basis, but can I just say that I sometimes cringe when a stranger enters our church? Sometimes they just give me the creeps, which is easy to do when they are talking to themselves! (Note: our church here has been broken into three times this year, so that adds to my distrust, I think). It’s a shame to feel that way inside a church. A sanctuary. A place that is meant to welcome everyone. It’s times like this that I have to ask myself “what has society come to”, but then I realize that the attacks and hate have always been there. Maybe not inside a church, but this is nothing new.
Sigh, guess that was all beside your point, but I do agree that folks should own their problems!
I am a big believer in trusting your instincts and wonder if he gave off a bad vibe? I am not a regular church goer…think once every 4th Easter, but I have a great respect for people’s beliefs and the sanctity of the church. This is just heartbreaking on many levels. But I will not be terrorized by people like this shooter, or people who hate Americans, or cute people. I refuse to give people that kind of control over my life. It’s not easy, but I just focus on what will piss them off-continuing to be happy as they live their sad unhappy lives.
Amen sister!! I’ve always disliked the victim mentality. I’m not excusing when terrible things happen to people and they go through a rough period, but at some point control over those feelings has to happen, or else you live a life in your own prison. I’m so sick of these shootings I could scream. I’ve tried not to read too much about it but I know enough…you can’t help but see the FB headlines, but I really try to silently meditate about positive energy and love in the world. We need it. And this past week just seems to have been very weird…globally. Lots of bad news. It makes you wonder how our energy throughout the world is really connected…not to sound all hippy and stuff. 🙂
This is the place for some hippy vibes. I am also sick and tired of these shootings. When I see Donald Trump going off on Mexicans and talking crazy talk that echoes what a lot of people believe I just think that sooner or later being so hateful just will stop working for him/them. I was also not interested in allowing myself to become the “angry black woman.” Or, someone’s scapegoat. I’m fed up with people using racism/sexism/etc. as the reason for their sh$tty life. Not my fault and not my problem. I am very, very focused on treating people with kindness and sending out good energy. Why did I start doing this? Because being negative and upset didn’t work for me. Thinking that everyone else was my problem was clearly not true. I WAS MY PROBLEM. And, once I started dealing with my sh$t, energy, etc. Things have been slowly and steadily turning around in really positive ways. And I 100% believe we are connected to one another wether we want to be or not.
It makes me so sad 🙁 It’s like if you don’t like someone, just move on with your life? Why give it energy? What’s worse is his judgements were unfounded and horrific. Hate is a poison and our country’s moral fabric is eroding from it.
Exactly. The worst part was that he said he almost didn’t do it because the parishioners were so kind to him. Hate happens every where and I think that it starts with little comments that people let pass. Instead of calling people out. I don’t care who it’s coming from-if you’re being sh$tty, I don’t have time for you. Period.
I just wonder why people commit crime, considering there are other good ways to achieve their intentions or goals like for money there are side hustles. I get affected whenever there’s hostage taking, killings, bombings, and other crimes. Can we just stop this madness? Because it causes no good at all,really.
We will never have an answer to that question. I think that there is more good than bad in this world because I have met a lot of amazing people. But, I think that we have forgotten how to intervene effectively when people begin to make bad choices. Also, there are a lot of people who feel alone and find “community” with other angry and alone people.
It makes me so sad to see these things happening in the world. Glad you took a different perspective on it. It’s understandable for people that are directly involved to get angry but when society starts getting overly negative and enraged it just perpetuates the cycle of negativity. We have to keep hope and positive thought and believe that things will improve.
It is my view that each time one of those shootings occurs it’s a terrorist attack. It’s frustrating to see that our politicians don’t have the balls to make some substantive changes when citizens are so clearly angry by what’s going on. I’m sick of this and it’s unacceptable that this keeps happening.