Recently, I’ve found myself spending more time paying attention to how people are behaving when money is involved. I’m particularly interested in the dynamics of power in relation to money. This could include, having power over people who are working in jobs that we perceive to be “beneath” what we do professionally. Or, maybe we believe that we’re supposed to be treated a certain way during a transaction or service based experience. Here’s the thing, I’ve long believed that the American adage that “The customer is always right” is actually really wrong. I’ve never liked this belief because it abdicates responsibility to behave with a certain level of decorum and basic respect in informal and formal professional settings. And this abdication of responsibility has been the setting for many people losing their livelihood over real or imagined slights during a business transaction. Not sure what I mean? Listen on.
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Show Notes
- Americans give a lot of feedback about how other people do their jobs. Whether or not it’s the barista at their favorite coffee shop “She did or didn’t finish our order fast enough” The 1 minute exchange with a local cashier at the grocery store. “Why didn’t he smile more?” Or, the Door Dash driver who dropped off our dinner the night before. Americans are constantly assessing other people’s work and in the process a lot of us are running with the perceived power that gives us and I”m going to tell you, a lot of you are acting like assholes. How do I know? Let me share.
- I’ve done my fair share of side-hustles in my life. Many of those I’ve done because those side-hustles helped me payoff thousands of dollars in debt and increase my income. Working those side-hustles weren’t without an energetic cost. I was often super tired because I was rushing between jobs. In fact, when I first started side-hustling in earnest I was working in one city and side-hustling in the city that I lived in. My side-hustle at that time was at a high-end olive oil shop and I had a great time working there. Interestingly enough, those customers were so easy to work with. They had deep pockets. In fact, during the holiday season a well-known Denver Nuggets basketball player walked in and dropped $500 in 1 minute and left. He also had the biggest diamond earring in one ear that I’d ever seen.
- I worked that job for 3 years and it was honestly a great side-hustle. I was fortunate enough not to have to deal with a lot of the bullshit that people seem to be dealing with nowadays. If I hear another person talk about how someone else is doing in relation to what they expected I’m going to scream. “Do you understand that some people are just trying to keep it together emotionally?” I thought I would share 3 exchanges that I had recently that leaves me asking the following question-are you the reason why your interactions with people doing service work are so shitty?
- Denver and the state of Colorado is 100% open for business. During a pandemic that means a number of things. We have a ton of events happening at the same time. Denver is a lot of fun during the normal times but now there is so much to do it’s a little overwhelming. Events, venues, restaurants and other spaces are short staffed and working hard to make sure attendees and patrons are having a great experience while with them.
- As I start to socialize again and just do stuff outside of my house, I’ve discovered that I don’t have as many people to do all of the fun stuff that I enjoy doing. My social circle (like many people’s) has shrunk as people wait to be immunized or don’t. My parent friends all have very young kids and just this week are finally able to get most of their kids vaccinated.
- Instead of waiting to attend some of my favorite events, I’ve decided to work them. I end up meeting new people, I make some money for coffee and crypto, enjoy some cool events and meet new people. A win, win, win. These side-hustles have allowed me to see Jo Koy and Tiffany Haddish (who was a surprise) Hanging out with Michael Rooker, James Marsters (or Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and meeting Edward James Olmos from Mayans MC and who played the Captain on Miami Vice. I also watched William Shatner aka Captain Kirk for you Trekkie Stans make a crazy amount of money in one day) I also helped out Zachary Quinto’s team (that’s young Spock in the current Star Trek movies)
- I share this to say that people work for a variety of reasons.
- To make extra money
- To attend events for free
- To be employed in general
- In order to eat
- For insurance
- You get the picture
- Boredom
- Basically, you have no idea why people are working the jobs that they’re working
- With that in mind, I’m going to share why you might be getting bad service or eating a lot of spit burgers. Basically, I want to ask you to consider that bad service might not be the issue, but how you act in moments of financial power just might be what’s getting you bad service everywhere. Maybe, just maybe people aren’t lazy and maybe just maybe, you’re being an asshole.
- This past weekend I worked the Jim Gaffigan shows that were held in Denver and in general. He’s freaking hilarious and if you get a chance to attend one of his shows, I highly recommend it. I don’t side-hustle that much anymore because I don’t have a lot of time. But, I have said “yes” to a couple of events a month since things have opened up.
- In this case, I was scanning tickets to let people into the show. Now, I have to say, people attending events since Denver has opened back up have been AMAZING seriously. Amazing. So freaking polite, patient and nice. But, I had one lady on Friday show her ass. Not literally. But, figuratively. She came into my line and with wild eyes says to me “I left my phone in my car and it’s a mile away and I’m not going to walk back to get it. You need to help me solve this problem.” She must not have liked my expression (related to how this had apparently become MY problem) because she then proceeded to say “That’s not appropriate and you need to come up with my plan B.” I smiled at her and told her that her “Plan B” was to walk over the Box Office and have them help her. Here’s the thing, I don’t have to put up with people’s bullshit and I’m not going to. Ironically, if she’d been pleasant I could have helped her in line. But, I’m not putting up with being talked down to BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TO.
- At ComicCon I had a really bizarre experience that a lot of Black people will shudder at when I tell what happened. I was helping people waiting for Zachary Quinto (young Spock) ComicCon stans are a fun time. But, what was crazy was that one woman in line burst into tears because she thought she had offended me. Basically, we talking about Denver (I could tell that she lives in the surrounding suburbs) and for whatever reason she burst into tears. I’m looking at her like she’s completely insane. One, because there are no tears at ComicCon it’s literally one of the most joyful places to be at. But, two I was thinking to myself-what if I was working a job that I needed and my boss had seen that and I lost my job because this woman randomly started crying…about nothing? Because white women’s tears are often weaponized in moments of perceived power over someone else. Now, it’s my thought that she just had other things in her life that were going on and she probably is more sensitive about things nowadays than she normally would be. I know that I am. But, it was a crazy experience and I actually don’t want to assume any ill-intent because it cleared up in 3 minutes. But, I do wonder…”what if” What if that situation had escalated and what if I really need that job vs. working it to hang out with Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Then, there was a Twitter conversation that I had with a lovely person. They expressed that they were upset with their ride share driver for not greeting them upon their entry into the car. Now, before I say more, I actually agreed that it would have been nice of the driver to greet her. But, that I’m focused on other things during a ride share booking. Did we arrive safely? Did they drive a regular route vs. extending the trip and increasing my fare? I’m just really unwilling to call people out or jeopardize their livelihood over a perceived slight. Is it really a slight? Or, do they have something on their mind? Are they introverts or did they receive some bad news. I guess I just wonder why we assume the worst as it relates to YOU vs. assuming that people are human with stuff going on.
- I share this episode to get people thinking about the role that they play in the interactions that they’re having with others. Especially the interactions impacted by a low-key power dynamic.
- We do have a class system in the United States, even if you don’t want to believe that’s the case.
- I’ll be candid and say that I get outstanding service to a degree where my friends and family are amazed by it. I get free stuff all the time FROM THE OWNERS and STAFF of businesses that I patronize. People know my name and are excited to see me when I come in. In fact, it happened today when I went to one of my favorite coffee shops. The secret? I treat people the way that I would like to be treated.
- My last question to you is the following? How are you showing up in interactions with other people? Are you showing your ass? Or, are you practicing some degree of self-awareness? Are you always experiencing bad service or having intense interactions with people? Have you ever wondered what’s the common denominator?
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I am an obsessive foodie, but not self-righteous with it, love travel, meeting new people, helping you look good, and am freaked out by people who don't enjoying reading...something! Grab a Perrier, read my blog, feel free to drop me a line! Hope to hear from you soon.
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