I’ll start this post with the following question: Do your actions match the life that you want to live? Or, are you spending time daily/weekly/monthly in the areas that you value? Ponder this as you read the post. There’s an exercise that you will do later on that will shed some light on where you’re spending your time.
If you’re a regular reader you may have noticed that I’m very aggressively trying to change my life. I had initially begun working on my finances because it was so obvious that my finances were creating problems in my life. As I worked on cleaning up my finances, created financial systems that were workable for me I began to look at other parts of my life and it was clear that everything was connected (money, health, love, and connection to others) even if I didn’t want to admit it. I wanted love in my life, a better feeling about my career, to lose those 30 pounds, and I wanted to get rid of the feeling that I was stuck. Because, I was.* Yes, you’ve heard this before-I’m setting the scene bear with me!*
I began to read books about love and dating, fitness, about money, and spirituality. I learned that the teacher that you need or the lesson that you need to learn will show up in ways that you might not expect. During this journey to better finances I’ve had several “teachers” cross my path. During the journey to a better life I’ve had a number of profound experiences with teachers that arrived in the form of books.
The current book that I am reading is called “Take Time For Your Life”it’s written by Cheryl Richardson and the book that I purchased was purchased at Goodwill for .25 cents. I should mention that I’m reading the book from 1999, however there are newer versions of it and you can get it for an e-reader too.
Cheryl Richardson is a life coach who started her professional life as a CPA! Her approach is to work with her clients on embracing “Extreme self-care.”
Internally I knew that my life has been out of balance but Ms. Richardson’s book helped show exactly where I’m out of balance and provided an insight into what I can do to change my life.
One of the most profound parts of the book was an exercise that asks the reader to identify how they spend their time each week. There are 168 hours in a week and it is amazing how much you can fit into those hours.
*I would like you to do the following Exercise*
1.) First make a simple grid. On the left side put the activities that you do for example: reading, commuting, work, chores, taking care of kids, personal grooming, being tired, being alone, having fun, being with family and friends, spiritual endeavors, etc.* refer to page 60 of the version that I’m reading.
2.) On the top of the grid label it Monday-Sunday.
3.) Put in your hours for each activity for each day.
4.) Once you’re finished with grid add it up. Are you surprised by the separate numbers? What do the numbers say about your life?.
I found that I spent an UNBELIEVABLE amount of time-working, commuting, and feeling tired. I also spent a very disturbing amount of time alone. In fact, my numbers were so skewed that they were negative numbers. I cried a little because it became obvious that I don’t have time for myself let alone anyone else.
One of the great things about this book is that it is a COACHING book. There are wonderful exercises throughout the book that are geared towards empowering the client and helping them to gain clarity on how to actively practice self-care because I haven’t been doing that.
In the hustle and bustle of surviving working at Starbucks with a graduate degree until I got a my current job. I began to lose myself. I knew that things were a little off but it took comments from ex-boyfriends, my mom, and eventually listening to myself (in the past couple of years) to finally decide that doing the same thing was madness.
The interesting thing about all of this is that I had begun intuiting some of these issues several years ago, I just didn’t have the energy to make changes. Now, I’ve begun making changes even though I am physically tired mentally I am wide awake.
Some of the changes I’m making:
- Beautifying my home-I should be clear that most of home was super cute…except the bathroom and the bedroom. The bathroom was painted blue and white but it just didn’t “click” also the shower fixtures are old and need to be replaced. I painted the bathroom white on Monday of last week, changed all decorations (shower curtain, bathroom rugs, toothpaste dish, and hand towel holder) to bright yellow and will paint the accent areas with a lovely yellow this week. It is shocking how nice it looks. All hardware is silver. The fixtures will be changed by the end of March.
- Repainting my Bedroom-Ok, so the bedroom is a long sad story. I’ve actually repainted it 3 times. Yep, 3 times. The first time it was a horrid yellow that I though would be lovely. It wasn’t. It looked like Big Bird molted in my room. Then, I painted it a red-burgundy color. That unfortunately looked like Carrie was filmed in my room. Finally, I painted it a soft lilac. That worked…except for the burgundy and yellow splatter remnants. I am embarrassed to say that I’ve had exes make a point of saying something about the paint job and the bedroom in general. My bed was in a different place in the room and the windows had expanded and don’t open. I am happy to say that I will be painting the bedroom next weekend-CREAM! With white trim. The crappy carpet in the bedroom will be replaced with laminate ( I prefer wood but it’s a garden level unit). And, the windows will be replaced the first week of April. I moved and replaced the furniture in February.
- Flat Screen T.V.-Again, I cannot believe what a difference the new t.v. has made to the esthetic of the living room.
- The Extra Paper-Now, you would never notice any piles of paper in my home. Why? Because they are neatly organized in bags. I’ve stuff put into bags because I haven’t had time to shred the paper. I have a shredder, I just haven’t had a lot of time. The thing is these unfinished projects are draining me because I think about what I haven’t done. My goal is to finish the shredding by the first week of April. I’m sick of thinking about the piles. I’ve also ordered a metal file cabinet for my paperwork. I have a small plastic organizer that is too small for the job of organizing my big girl life!
*google pic-looks very similar to what I purchased. I might paint it deep blue*
- Fitness-I have been using my FitBit and am getting in my steps. Now, I need to get some burn in so I will be doing the Drop 2 Sizes DVD program. My neighbor lost 15 pounds on it so far and I will be doing it in the mornings.
- Connection with others-I was very sad when I saw how much time I spent by myself on a daily basis. Luckily, I had already planned on joining a Kick Ball league and volunteering with a political campaign. I’ve also removed some of my old Meetup groups added new ones and will be speed dating again. I always prioritize my friend/ family time but I would like to work on doubling the amount of time I spend with them. In my current situation it will be a challenge but I will figure it out.
If you’re feeling stuck and can’t pay a Personal Coach a ton of money, I highly recommend going to a thrift store and finding a life coaching book. You can’t just read the book though-you’ll have to do the exercises!
Have you ever worked with a personal coach? What was that experience like? Have you read books by personal coaches? Did they help you make some changes in your life?
*I highly recommend this book and am in NO WAY affiliated with Cheryl Richardson*
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I’ve done the grid before and am always shocked by the amount of time I spend working. I really need to start planning my life for fun or non-screen time.
That grid provided solid and disturbing proof that I am living a life that is way out of balance. I’m in the process of reworking everything but it will take some time to do.
One of the most life changing things I ever did was run the marathon. I learned so much during my training, and I felt empowered in all areas of my life from taking on this one goal.
I would love to run a 1/2 marathon but I don’t think my knees could handle it! I’ve heard from a lot of people that they learned a lot about themselves while preparing and running a marathon. I just want to encourage people to figure out what’s holding them back. I was really surprised to see some of the things that have been blocking my success.
This is a great post! I actually do not buy my children toys, they only get books from the thrift store! Anything else they want, we ask them to come up with a plan to pay for it. They usually are able to do so. Anyway, I have used books to help me through many life milestones including becoming debt free, weight loss, etc. If you can’t afford to hire a professional, books and videos are a great low cost option.
The thrift store ROCKS! I cannot believe all of the amazing treasures that I’ve found at the thrift store. This book has been fantastic for me and I highly recommend it.
Ugh, I’m really out of balance at the moment. I love that “extreme self care”. Forget about extreme couponing, let’s have a movement for extreme self care. Taking care of ourselves as a political act. I have two more weeks of working on weekends, then will take a break and assess what I want/need out of life. I tend to be all or nothing about things, so I’m trying to incorporate balance.
I think you would really enjoy the book! I think that most of us exist in a state of imbalance and have existed that way for so long it’s hard to imagine life any other way. This is one of 3 books that I’ve read in the past year that has really helped me address some of the concerns that I had about how I have been living my life. They’ve also given me tools to live a better life.
I think this is a valuable exercise. It is one that I did informally to see what I could move around to fit something in, and the results were a bit shocking for me too. I spent (and still spend) SO much time working, between my full time job, my blogs and all of my side hustles. These things are all helping me take steps in the right direction to do what I want to do in life though.
I’m really trying to make some big changes and I’ve had to acknowledge that this situation no longer works for me. I’ve made some big decions and am looking forward to living my life in a way that is aligned with my values. After living my life out of balance for so long I can’t wait!
I’m going to try that exercise. I’m sure my time is all out of wack. I agree – thinking about unfinished projects is draining! Good luck on the next pain job!.
Toni, it was really upsetting for me to look at where my time was being spent. I am really re-evaluating everything right now and it has been very intense. I would really recommend checking out Cheryl Richardson’s website and checking out her e-book.
Wow! I feel like I’m reading about myself in this post! I spend a lot, and I mean a lot of time alone, which only makes it that much more difficult to meet that special someone. Recently I was finding I was just too mentally and physically exhausted from work to do much else, so I started exercising more, and eating healthier again. Things have been improving.
I’ve been working with a career coach to get my career in order and so far, it’s been alright. She’s given me a few kicks in the pants and suggestions on what I need to do differently.
I also have a friend that is launching his own business as a life coach and I was able to sit down and talk with him for two hours – that was eye opening! My perspective needs to be entirely different than where it is now,thank goodness I’m open to change and I’m making small changes.
Michelle, I think you would really enjoy the book that I’ve been reading. It has a lot of exercises that you do to help you put a framework around the life you want and the life you’re currently living. I feel like the Universe put that book in front of me. I’ve been struggling to figure things out and now I feel really, really focused and good about the direction I’ve chosen for my future. I also have been looking at my job and the number of hours that I currently work. At this point I would like to work less but I’m not sure that’s possible because of what I do. So, I’ve decided on another direction that I’ve been thinking about for awhile. I feel really good about it. It just took for freaking ever to figure everything out! By the way, we can cheer each other on as we move forward!
Love the article, thanks!
Thank you so much for your kind comment. I notice that you’re a life coach! Wonderful profession, I can’t praise it enough. Wishing you continued success.