In the last couple of months I’ve had a couple of conversations with people (including my mom) who just don’t get why I am excited to become a freelancer. I love and respect these people and I have been forced to really articulate why I want to do what I want to do. I am thankful for these conversations and for the questions that I am being asked. I’ve had to articulate to myself and others what I want and why. They don’t understand why I would give up security in order to embrace insecurity.
The thing is, I don’t believe anyone’s job is secure. I want to learn how to create my own sustainable employment so that I feel a lot more in control of my personal situation. Embracing freelancing doesn’t mean I won’t ever be another person’s employee in the future. It just means that in this moment I would like to take a leap of faith in myself.
Since 2008 I have taken the safe option. I made the pragmatic (and smart) decision to stay in my job and ride out the Great Recession. Ironically, I had decided to leave my job in 2007 but started to see the signs that something wasn’t right with the economy. Thank goodness I could read the signs. I stayed and it was the right choice for me.
For those of you who have read my blog for awhile you know that I have been mulling over my employment situation, my life, and the direction that I want to go in the next couple of years. The irony is that I currently really enjoy my colleagues, my clients, and have a great boss. The problem is that after 10 years I want more. I need a challenge and a change and a shift.
What I forgot in the process of changing my frame of mind-and embracing change is that people might not understand why I would want to do this.
I’m burnt out. I don’t feel a passion for what I do. I used to LOVE my job-but that has changed over time. That’s completely normal. People change, I’ve changed. What I want is different now. I want to have more time to live my life, I want time to devote to my family, and I want to volunteer and help others.
The conversation that I’ve been having with myself (for awhile now) has become a conversation about my quality of life. Am I satisfied with how I am living? It’s no one else’s life to live but mine. Shame on me for not living it the way that I want to.
When I switched over to WordPress last year I was literally grasping at straws. I just knew that I was unhappy and didn’t want to continue feeling so frustrated and dissatisfied with my life. I was at the point where I seriously considered cashing in my retirement, paying off some of my debt and Eat, Pray, Loving my way to a new life.
I’ve had a couple of friends take off and do that (not necessarily cashing in their retirement) they just sold everything, saved money, and trusted their gut. My Russian friend who did this is now living in Peru, married to an Englishman, and a new mom. My Korean friend who had become a permanent resident in the U.S. was increasingly unhappy. She was lonely and depressed. She decided to go back to Korea. She met a man, got married, and now is a mom. Not all of my friends who took a risk got married and became moms btw! A lot of them just became fully engaged in living their lives again.
Everyday feels like Groundhog’s day. Get up, long commute, work, long commute home, tired, and sleep.
Here is my current schedule. Please note-this has been my schedule since 2004.
- 4:30 a.m.-5:00 a.m.-Wake up and exercise
- 5:45 a.m.-Get ready for work
- Between 6:08-6:40 a.m.-Start the long commute. Arrive at work between 7:45 a.m.-8:30 a.m. depending on the traffic
- My commute has taken up to 3 hours on a snow day. Luckily, Colorado hasn’t had a ton of snow in the plains this year. We are going into our snowiest month (March) so this could change. I have been trapped on the highway twice for 8 hours during snowstorms, and once for 4 hours.
- 8:00 a.m. (ish)-5:15 p.m.-Work. Occasionally I run special events during the evening and on the weekend. The last special event was 12 hours on a Saturday
- 6:30 p.m.-7:15 p.m.-Arrive at home.
I still have to: eat, clean, blog, and try to exercise. I also try to meet up with friends/Mom Friday-Sunday. I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to date-even though I would like to. I don’t have the energy to volunteer-even though I would like to.
Here is the schedule that I imagine having when I begin Freelancing.
- 5:30 a.m.-Wake up
- 5:45 a.m.-Coffee and a little brekkie (breakfast)
- 6:00 a.m.-7:30 a.m. Walk 5 blocks to my gym and work out.
- 7:30-8:00 a.m.-Shower, get dressed
- 8:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. Begin work. Start with most important item on my list and get it done
- 12:00-1:30 p.m.-Go for a walk, get coffee, lunch. Ride my bike
- 1:30 p.m.-5:00 p.m.-Continue working-at least 2 hours towards lead generation
- 5:00-7:00 p.m.-Go for a bike ride/exercise/date/coffee /clean my place
- 7:00 p.m.-8:00 p.m. Dinner
- 8:00 p.m.-10:00 p.m.-Prep for the next day, create To Do List. Finish any remaining tasks.
Obviously the schedule would change and be a lot more fluid, but this is the frame work that I would like to work with.
I am so grateful for my friends and family for being the voice of reason. Because of you I didn’t lose my mind, cash in my retirement, and run away a year ago. You pushed me to think about the negatives and positives of working for yourself. I have spent the past year confronting my debt, taking action to clean it up, and learning how to make money outside of my job.
I feel empowered. I feel energized. I feel in control. I’m loving it. I feel excited about life again.
When I wrote previous posts about-Showing Up For Your Life, Taking Risks, and Working for Myself I was writing to myself.
I don’t need to go abroad, I don’t need to go to a shaman. I just need to manifest a “shift.” It has already begun in little ways.
- Paying off debts
- Changed my hair
- Changed my t.v. to a flat screen-had the other one for at least 14 years
- Repainting my bathroom (this weekend??)
- Working to lose weight
- Getting rid of furniture
- Changed my phone service
- Feeling happier
These things small as they are do matter.
Are you at a crossroads? Have you experienced a situation like the one that I’ve described? What did you do?
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I totally get this. After working a dead-end job for 4 years, I’m ready for some time off and the opportunity to forge my own path. I have a May 1st date in my head and I am literally counting down the days.
I am grappling with the end date now. I have a fairly good idea, but I’m running the numbers. I’m just so freaking tired. Regardless, I try to kick a@@ every day that I go to work.
I used to definitely feel the same way and wonder the same things. Freelancing is not for everyone, but it has worked well for me and I would never go back to my “secure” job 🙂
I think that I’ve played it safe for so long that I just need to prove something to myself. I’m not afraid of hard work and I think that a lot of people are! That is to my advantage.
Your freelance schedule sounds like just the ticket for a happier, healthier life! I wish I could be that fortunate to shift my life and not have to work a 9-5. I think that’s most people’s dream. Good luck with the endeavor!
That’s what I’m hoping for! I’ve been under a high level of stress not only because of work, but, because of life stuff as well. I want to focus on my health and wellness and hope that things will fall into place.
You will never know until you try. Freelancing is not a cakewalk either, there is a lot of stress that goes with it, but until you’ve tried both sides you will not know if you prefer being with a company or being alone.
Exactly! I might decide that I hate it. My feeling is that there will be things I love and things that I loathe. The control over my day is something that I’m really looking forward to experiencing.
Well I imagine I’m one of those voice of reason types you described. 🙂 BTW, big f’n kudos to you for waking up that early to work out. Damn I had a workout class at 7am today and I thought that was too early! 🙂
So, no one knows you and what you’re going through better than you. I think when we read other people’s posts, we want to comment and/or give advice based on our own experiences that may or may not be helpful to you. For me, since I’ve been through the freelancing trenches (and in some ways still feel like I’m there), I want to set you up with the best possible scenario so you don’t have to go through some of the pain that I went through.
However, I also know somewhat of what you’re going through with the soul-sucking job thing, so I totally get that want to just go all Eat, Pray, Love. 🙂 I know when I wrote my article on John’s site recently, everyone’s advice seemed to be to find new video clients. I think it was frustrating to me, and maybe I didn’t communicate that well in the article, but I fucking hate doing video stuff for other people anymore! I don’t want to spend my time and energy doing that when I have no interest.
But people posted messages and meant well. They want to see me happy and succeed, but no one really lives in our shoes and knows that it’s like to live our lives daily, especially if our daily lives are mundane and full of burnout.
You know I’ll be cheering you on when you make that leap (when will that be again?), so you have my support to pursue the life you really want to lead.
LOL! Yes, but I am very, very grateful to you and all of the other people who piped up and asked good questions about my rationale and thought process. Those questions kept me from taking a leap before I was ready. Thank goodness for that! I’ve spent a lot of time really questioning myself and making sure that my head is in the right place. Btw-now I totally understand where you’re coming from re: video editing and I know I also suggested finding other v.e. clients. Since I’m in the same frame of mind I totally get it. At the end of the day we want our friends and family to be safe and ok. The time frame is an offline conversation-I do have a pretty good idea in my head. Just depends on a couple of things.
Oh yeah, and I can understand why people would say that because it’s the path of least resistance – it’s easy, you have experience, it’s the easy answer! Like T speaking to a recruiter this week who heard about his years of exp. in engineering trades and wanted to go for gold on that front even though he doesn’t want to work in that field and wants to build on the (small amount) of sales experience he now has.
Sometimes you have to take the path least taken a la Thoreau. I am very good at what I do but I’m very tired of doing it. My mind is atrophying from the doing the same thing over and over again. I DO love the people that I work with and the clientele. I think I’m just ready to do something new.
The commute sounds horrible, especially in winter. If you manage to keep that strict schedule, looks like things will go just fine. However since I left my job I have found it VERY hard to concentrate and sit at a desk of some kind at home and get stuff done. Some days I am super productive, other days plain lazy. From what I read around it happens a lot. If you have the discipline, which you should as you have been keeping up with the exercise and other activities for years, if should be ok!
The commute is horrible and each day it gets harder and harder to deal with. I keep a pretty tight schedule because I have a lot I need to get done in a limited a mount of time. I’ve also heard that some days are lazy days and that others are super productive. If I can be super productive 4-6 days a week and still have enough time to rest, exercise, volunteer, and meet people I would be super happy.
That’s one hell of a commute. The commute alone would kill me. I applaud you for taking the steps towards finding what will make you happen. I feel like the last year of my life has been a little blah. I haven’t really been pushing myself and I need to get my butt in gear and figure out what I want and how to get there. Haven’t seen eat, pray, love yet (I’m probably the only person left on earth)
It is killing me. I am pretty freaking exhausted. Blah is basically how my life has been for too long. I’m ready for a little color, energy, or spark. I miss it. Just check the movie out from the library-that’s free 🙂
Seconded on the commute. And you’re driving right, that’s not because of public transport? Dang.
Actually I take a train and a commuter bus. So I am taking public transport. It’s free because I get a free pass through my work and transit is very reliable here. We have the largest transportation consolidation taking place in the U.S. right now.
I so agree. There’s no such thing as job security. Freelancing is hard but if it means doing something you love, then go for it!
I’m taking a leap of faith in myself. It’s about time.
I applaud you. No regrets! This is a great time to do the things your spirit is craving. Do it!!!! I haven’t seen eat pray love yet. Is it in the RedBox? Okay, your schedule is impressive and tiring at the same time!!!
I am a 100% sure that it would be available everywhere! It’s a great movie and book. I highly recommend it when you have some downtime. I also recommend The Secret Life of Walter Mitty which might be my favorite movie in years. I absolutely love that movie.
I believe in you, Michelle! I know it’s not an easy thing to make change, but if this is what you want, at least try it. Your commute sounds awful and if you are not passionate about it, then move on. We’ll be rooting for you!
Aaaghh, Thanks!! It has been an emotional process because for a very long time I really loved my job. But, for awhile now I’ve just felt that I was treading water and that my job was a huge part of that. It’s almost like a break up with a fickle boyfriend that I love to hate, and hated to love.