In general I’m a fairly positive person with splashes of melancholy. So far on my blog I’ve focused on the positive: starting my freelancing business, starting an exercise regimen, getting a community garden, and my dreams. I’ve talked about my mythical “number” not only for my freelancing work, but to take care of everything in my life.
I would be lying if it’s always sunshine and roses in the Jackson household. Right now it’s not. In the past couple of weeks I’ve received a series of wonderful news. My fake little sister is engaged, a friend had her baby last week, and my colleague got a wonderful new job in Denver instead of doing the commute to Boulder.
Meanwhile, in Michelle’s world nothing seems to be changing.
I’m feeling sorry for myself. Not gonna lie.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m working hard towards changing my life. I understand that eventually that all of my hard work will pay off. The thing is change isn’t happening fast enough for me. As I run towards the light at the end of the tunnel I see my hopes, dreams, and aspirations in front of me.
The truth is in working towards changing your life it’s guaranteed that you’re going to stumble. Sometimes you are going to have moments that make you feel like asking yourself what the hell is the point to all of this? When will it be my turn?
Don’t get me wrong I love my friends and it is important to celebrate their happiness. If I don’t genuinely celebrate my friends who will be in my corner when things pick up in my world?
I think it’s important to acknowledge when you’re not happy, when you’re jealous, when you’re feeling kind of blue. It’s ok. It’s natural to feel down on occasion. If you’re feeling blue everyday, then I would encourage you to go to a therapist or your doctor so that you can get some help dealing with your feelings.
My new little buddy is beautiful. He is a healthy 8 pounds and healthy. Mom, Dad, and big sister are adjusting to the new addition. My fake little sister is going to be an absolutely stunning bride. The wedding will have a mix of Hmong and Chinese tradition and food. It will be held in Minnesota and I can’t wait to go. My colleague (and friend) will be a better dad and husband because he will be working closer to home and help his wife with their toddler.
Tonight (and maybe tomorrow) I will allow myself the release of crying and acknowledging my dissatisfaction with my life right now. I won’t drink my tears away because I only have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in the house (it was a gift).
Instead, I will exercise in lieu of eating and will write melancholy blog posts to get the slightly depressing thoughts out of my head. I will allow myself the pleasure of feeling what I feel. I’m not Super Woman. I’m human.
Do you react in unexpected ways when you hear other people’s good news?
Have you ever been bitten by the Green-Eyed Monster (Jealousy)?
What do you do to deal with it?
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Just cry. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed by things (even when I think I won’t) I feel so much better if I just cry (by myself with noone home 😉 ) Writing is also a great way for me to let those feelings out. I’ve been hit by the jealousy bug a time or two. I’ll usually just write about it, then delete what I wrote and BAM I feel better. I hope you fell better soon!
Thanks Alexa! Yesterday was a little rough. I felt better after writing things down and acknowledging the “Green-Eyed Monster.” Today is going well, but I’m looking forward to a long weekend.
Ugg, I’ve totally felt the same way a million times (well thankfully not a million, but more than a few). Jealousy really is a green-eyed monster. I usually try to talk to somebody when I’m feeling jealous (my mom or someone else who isn’t involved). If that doesn’t work I cry and snuggle with Ben and Jerry for the night, then I try to get back to “normal” the next day. Wallowing in my own self-pity for more than a night doesn’t really get me anywhere and just makes me feel worse. Hang in there!
Don’t laugh, I tried to talk to my mom and this time she just didn’t get it. I think it was too much angst for the moment that we were in. That’s why I went ahead and wrote the post. I try to always be happy for the people in my life it’s so important to be genuinely happy for the people that you love. I’m feeling pretty good today (helps that it was almost 60 degrees!) Thanks for the support I really appreciate it.
Girl. I know this. My friend just had a baby. My sister is in the profession I’d rather be in (a teacher). And my brother seems to just ooze money even though he’s unemployed. It’s not fair! And totally human to be jealous and upset!
I don’t want to be jealous of others, but I’m human! How in the heck does your brother ooze money? He needs to tell us his secret. I really hope you can get back into teaching. Crossing my fingers.
It’s so hard when you’re trying to share your feelings, like for instance with your mom, and you just don’t feel “heard,” which can make you feel worse, or when someone says “get over it!” I have of course felt just like you have, and at times have been better about dealing with it and worse. I think it’s perfectly OK to feel sorry for yourself (for a short amount of time). I was recently having a convo with my friend about this very thing. I have a friend who got in a serious relationship with the first and only date she ever had with an online dating site. I saw her over Christmas and she had just bought a house nearby (you know it’s fucking expensive to live in LA), got a big job promotion, then over Christmas she got engaged while there were on a nice tropical vacation. Sigh…lol!
But, if I only focus on what’s happening in HER life, I’m missing out on the great things in MY life. SHE may be envious I have a blog where I communicate with people all around the world who I consider good friends. Or the fact that I’m running (cough walkingish) a 1/2 marathon.
She also has a chronic illness which makes daily life fairly complicated.
So I can focus on those small things that make me envious, or try to look at the big picture with more perspective.
Granted, I still succumb to jealously here and there. We’re human. Have a good cry! 🙂
You have basically summed it up perfectly. I still haven’t cried yet. Am feeling better-the weather helped and the Broncos!! The thing is there’s nothing much happening in my life which is the issue. I’ve got to focus on making that change.
YES yes yes to this. Well said.
I still haven’t cried…but, I’m sure that will happen during an inappropriate moment.
Oh I’ve felt this girl! It can be overwhelming at times and it is totally okay to cry! You hit the nail on the head by recognizing that we are human and are not perfect.
I still haven’t cried-I really am not sure why. It’s very annoying because I think I need the release. The problem is I’ll probably cry at an inappropriate time and place if I don’t get it done now.
That’s frustrating! Try watching The Butler or PS I love you, those two movies always make me cry, lol.
They are on my list!
I think it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to have a pity party. So long as you don’t draw it out longer than it needs to be. Accept it, feel it, then let it fuel you to work harder 😉 You got this, girl!
I’m feeling much better-even though I haven’t cried yet! I’ll probably cry at the wrong time for a crazy reason. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Thanks for the support 🙂