I would be lying if I said things were all sunshine and roses right now. Things are a little intense and in a very real way. I did have money saved up but of course there is a point when the funds start to dwindle and eating through your pantry is done with a dignified level of grace. In making the hard choices for myself I had to trust my instincts that in the long run that I would be ok.
I am the happiest that I’ve been in years. Not a, happy for one day happy, but a sustained every day I wake up and I am ready to roll kind of happy. I am stressed, but I am losing weight, no longer getting weekly migraines, slowly but surely getting long-term clients, intellectually challenged on a daily basis, and learning to own my solopreneur status.
In life, we are constantly faced with choices. What to buy, what to wear, and who to hang out with. If you’re like me, some of these choices are agonized over -like my decision to leave my job.
As a personal finance blogger, I spend a lot of time reading amazing posts from people who were able to make a fairly smooth transition to working for themselves. My transition in some regards has been smooth, and in other ways will be a little choppy.
That’s ok.
I’m convinced that there are a lot of people out there like me who’ve decided to do what’s best for them even though it’s not as smooth as they would like. If you’ve been following my blog since the beginning you probably would have noticed a couple of themes:
- I wanted to work for myself. Every once in awhile I would write a post saying something like this…”I don’t want to work for anyone else…” For three years I would float a post like that and NOT NOTICE the pattern. I wasn’t listening to myself.
- I was worried about my mental health. I was very concerned with how stressed out I was. I knew that the level of stress I was under was not healthy, sustainable, or desirable. I was able to make some adjustments (taking time off to decompress and destress) and because I took that time off I was able to think clearly and hear what my gut was telling me. I needed to do something, anything to change my life soon or I would never do it.
- I was worried about my physical health. As I gained more and more weigh I noticed that I was in a lot of pain, getting weekly migraines, and always having the “fight or flight” feeling which apparently produces a chemical (I believe it’s cortisol) that can’t be health to have running through your system on a daily basis.
- I was very lonely. It’s hard for me to admit this because I love people and I’m a people person. But, I was exhausted, on edge, and stressed the hell out. Every time I hung out with my friends I had to rally to make it happen. Really. Since I left my job I have connected with more people outside of work in the past 3 months than I have in the past 10 years of working my old job. It is a revelation. I’m also am reconnecting with friends that I’ve known for YEARS. I’m very fortunate that they still are taking my calls and it has been wonderful. LOL!
There is a point in most people’s lives where they have to make some hard choices so that they can live what they consider to be their best life. I’m not just making hard choices with my career, but hard choices about how I spend my time, with whom I spend my time, and I’m always thinking about the exchange of life energy that each activity takes. Not only in the context of work, but just any activity that I’m engaged in.
Is this worth it?
That’s what I ask myself. And, it has become very easy to say “no” to anything that I feel is keeping me from what I want for myself. I’ve spent the past 5 years profoundly, desperately stuck. As I move into this new phase of my life I will run from any situation that my gut is telling me is wrong…for me.
Learning to trust my instincts and walk my own path has been a fantastic life lesson to learn.
Have You Had To Make Hard Choices?
What Was That Process Like For You?
Would You Make The Same Choice Again?
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I think its awesome that you’re following your gut. Trust me I’m getting ready to start my Act Two once I retire my combat boots for good. I’ve decided that I just want to be happy and finally enjoy my life. For you to feel this way takes courage for a lot of people go through their lives doing what is the norm vice what they want. Girl….Be free and don’t be afraid to fail. Better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.
Thanks Petrish! It was a really hard decision, but I feel so much better and even though I’m a little stressed-things will be fine. I felt like my job was killing me off. Really. Im not being funny. I was not doing well. I might fail (I don’t think so) but at least I’ve tried.
I’m in the midst of making a really hard choice, and there’s a lot of uncertainty looming. I’m trying to stay positive, do my best, and pray some doors open.
I hear you girl!! That’s basically what I’m doing. Sending you good vibes.
I would love to be location independent and work for myself, but I’m just not there yet. I really need my day job AND all the side hustling I can get right now to pay off debt and save as much money as possible. And I’m gearing up for a big lifestlye change in 6 months (moving across the country – possibly without a job) so my stress level is through the roof. It’s going to be tough, but it’s what will be best for me. I trust my instincts more than anything, and I know it will be the right thing for me!
I was never going to be able to pay off everything by this year. And so I had to decide the following:do I stay in a job for the money or do I pivot have some immediate pain for long-term happiness? I knew it would be tough and that I could handle it and that I had to be honest when I had painful moments like now! LOL! I believe you’ve definitely done the right thing for your situation and I wish people would trust their gut more. That kind of move would stress me out too!
It sounds like even though things aren’t perfect (yet!), they are so much better than before! I believe that trusting your gut is important too. We made a huge move abroad late last year, and that decision wasn’t easy to make; ultimately, it was largely a gut decision. I think it’s great that you took the leap to work for yourself!
Things are a lot better than before! I am just pushing myself to meet my goals and stay true to myself. Who knows, I might live abroad for awhile LOL! But, not for a couple of years though.
Michelle, I hear you! I’ve been there, too. I was reading your points and nodding along. Except for the last one, I love being on my own – maybe a bit too much. 🙂
I had to revisit my decision (working for myself) at the end of last year. Certain aspects of my self-employment (online business) suddenly weren’t working and money was going out a lot faster than it was coming in. I figured I had to go back to a ‘real’ job. I didn’t want to but I went to a couple interviews in the city (3 – 4 hour daily commute) and was finally sold… on never, ever doing that again. So, I’m in the process of REALLY following my gut and working toward what has been a lifetime goal. Writing full-time. Money is still woefully tight, and time even more so but it WILL be worth it. Life is too short to do anything but the work that speaks to you from your heart.
So, when it feels overwhelming, remember Michelle… you’re not alone.
Diane thank you so much for your very kind and supportive comment. It really made my day! I also appreciate that you decided to revisit your decision and “double-check” that it was the right thing to do. I think that people feel like once they’ve made a big decision that they can’t change their mind. Of course you can! Happily, I heard from a client that I was very anxiously hoping to hear from. This a position that has the potential of A LOT of growth. Of course for low pay in the beginning, but I am building up my clientele and wanted them in my portfolio. Am super excited. We need to start a freelancer support group LOL! May need to give that some thought.
That’s a good realization Michelle. That’s also how life works. Sometimes, you really have to face challenges and lose sometimes. You gotta get up and learn from your mistakes. Instincts are most of the time accurate, I believe so because I always count on it and am always right. haha!
I just have to keep on going. I think you’re right though that instincts are typically the best because of “real time” or in the moment timing. I love that you’re always right LOL!
I can relate to those 5 tough years, Michelle. I’m very sorry you had to go through them. I have focused a lot on spending money and spending time on the right things, but I haven’t recognized the importance of finding the right people. You mention “hard choices about . . . with whom I spend my time.” I want to start paying more attention to this side of things. A heart-felt post. Thanks.
Those were a painful 5 years. LOL!! I feel like I went through them to learn some life lessons and those are: sometimes you have to make pragmatic choices and do what you DON’T want to do. It was the right thing for me to stay-but, it was painful. Also, I learned that to delay important things that I want in my life is a double edged sword…don’t delay for too long. And, I am paying attention to who I deal with more than ever now because I’m in such a good frame of mind. Fortunately I had a wonderful group of people that I was around (when I tried to socialize…it was not that often) but I really want to nurture and strengthen my friendships that I already have and that have been neglected.
I have difficulties trusting my gut sometimes, and it’s really admirable that you’re striving to stay true to yourself. Committing to difficult changes for the long-run is easier said than done, and it’s really amazing how self-aware and determined you are. You’re not alone, and you’ll get through all this with flying colors!
It is very painful Anum! When I go against my gut it’s usually painful for ME! LoL. I just was so unhappy that I had to really make some deep changes because this is my life and no one else’s. I knew that I would have some pain in the short run. It always seems to work that way LOL 🙂
Love this post Michelle! I want to quit my job so badly, but the one thing holding me back is the finances. I’m so worried that I won’t be able to make ends meet if I quit my FT job. I’m getting pretty close to making it with my freelance income already, but what if I have a bad month? With the debt I have and the small amount of savings I just can’t do it yet.
Kayla, just assume that there will be bad months LOL! That’s what I’ve done. I think that’s just realistic. Even with my debt, my overall expenses are fairly low so I will be able to meet my expenses with a combination of money making endeavors. My overall goal is to make more money. So, I will be working my a@@ off. But, I was working my a@@ off before without the ability to scale up my earnings so I’m excited to see what happens.
Sounds like we are going through something similar. I am dealing with deciding who to spend my time with. I have friends who are actively making positive moves in life. I’m proud of them. I also have those friends who still want to go out and party all the time like we are still in college. I’m at the point in my life where I’m saving more cash and paying off debt. Some people can’t seem to understand that.
I am very fortunate that I have a great group of people who are supporting what I’m doing. But, as I move forward and meet new people I’m very mindful of the following saying, “You’re judged by the company you keep.” Also, I notice that when my friends and I aren’t on the same page sooner or later we probably will become acquaintances because our values aren’t in alignment.
I made`the decision to leave my husband with my child. It was hard because I had just moved to the area and had no friends or family. Looking back I don’t know how I did it, but I would do it again.
There are moments when you try and try and then it’s just not working. Right not it’s a bit stressful but in a way that I can manage because I am now 100% in control of my actions. I am so glad that you did what was best for you, I can only imagine how difficult this choice was for you. Sending good vibes.
Good on you for determining your own course in life. Even if you have to refine bits to ease some pressure – just think of that as an evolution or responding to a need temporarily before you re-prioritise your lifestyle aspirations.
Lisa-you’re deep! And,you’re right. This is going to be a series of adjustments and maybe I don’t have to be a hard a@@ on certain stances as I make things happen.
It might be a hard transitional phase, but hopefully just that – transitional. And it seems like it is better for your physical health no matter what else happens. Good on you for having the courage to give it a go!!! There is so much satisfaction to be had from following your own learning curve and mastering new skills. You can always go in a different direction later if you want to!
I have been steadily losing weight and have been able a lot less anxious and stressed out in general. Of course it helps that I go to the gym every day and the occasional yoga class. I just need to get through these next 3 weeks. The next three weeks will be the most challenging ones and then I think I’ll be o.k. I truly appreciate your support and you’re right-I can always change direction!
Our past makes the future. It is the big and small decisions in our life that dictates our journey of life. At some point or the other, all of us have to stop, think and plan ahead to make better decisions and choices.
I think that a lot of us aren’t as deliberate as we might need to be when addressing what we need and want in our lives.