This will be a short post. One of the hardest things that I’ve had to do is to feel comfortable with telling people “No.” I was super comfortable telling my former student clients “no” at work because the requests they were making would likely get them kicked out of the country, jailed, or slapped with a harassment lawsuit due to cultural differences.
But, saying “no” to people that you care about, is one of the hardest “no’s” that you can voice. That type of “no” is usually setting a boundary from a behavior or expectation that you no longer want to manage or meet.
No
No, I don’t have the time to that project. No, I don’t want to run an errand for you. No, I can’t loan you money. No, I’m not buying you coffee. Just, no. I have discovered that in the past year I’ve just become a lot more protective of my…self.
It feels like I’ve hit a turning point where I try as much as I can to be in alignment with what I can do for other people and making sure that my needs aren’t forgotten in the process. I’ve ticked through most of my list that I started with when I first started blogging. I am now working through my last 3 priorities. I tend to think that the last 3 are the hardest to get done. But, I’m feeling pretty freaking focused.
In this moment I am unwilling to waver from what I’m trying to do for myself and for others. If you ask me for something that takes me away from that purpose I will say “no” kindly and I hope you give me the grace to do what I need to do for me.
Latest posts by Michelle (see all)
- How Work Policies Against Black Women Birthed a Love of the Soft Life - 20 March, 2024
- How Taylor Swift’s IP Victory Could Change the Business of Music - 28 February, 2024
- Why Don’t More Personal Finance Content Creators Talk About Policy - 16 January, 2024
Michelle, I totally feel you here! Some people push and don’t know where to stop. It sucks, but you’re right that all you can do is say “no” and move on.
I am “owning” my “No!” right now. I only have so much bandwidth for stuff and anything that doesn’t make me feel good, or move me forward, or is necessary=NO!
I think you know, or should I say no (lol) this is something I’ve worked on the last several months. Boundaries are super important!
BOUNDARIES!! Aagh! It’s so much work and so important.
I once worked for a small company and started taking on some small clients of my own. My boss came with me to a meeting and the client asked if we could do something by a different day. I told them no, and then offered a different approach, either that we could get less done by their day or get what they wanted done by a different day. Months later my boss, the owner of the company, admitted that he almost stepped over me and offered to give them what they wanted. But he didn’t, and he later watched as the customer was fully satisfied with what we offered and delivered. I actually taught him to say no! For years before that, he would work 15-20 hour days on some projects, but after seeing my approach, he realized that he could say ‘no’ and still have fully happy clients.
You do realize that you made a HUGE difference to your boss. You made him feel empowered in a way that he obviously hadn’t been feeling before. I am sure that he was a lot happier saying “no” when necessary and using approaches that were better for him as a business person. I bet his service went way up and customers were happy too.
Saying No is so powerful, but so hard. It’s definitely important though!
I just am unable to manage everyone else’s needs anymore-before mine. It’s the whole “if mom isn’t happy-no one is happy!”
Saying no is definitely hard, but for people to prosper at times it has to be done. A few months ago I had to tell my brother no about something. It hurt, but it was the right move.
I am unable to say “yes” to anything that won’t move me forward. I am super focused right now on making things happen. I just don’t have time for stuff that blocks me from my goals.