I am about to travel to New Orleans this week for a wonderful conference of like-minded individuals: FinCon14. I will attend informational sessions, soak up knowledge, see the sights, meet new people and connect with people who I now consider friends.
So, what does going to a conference have to do with the #1 skill that you need?
Simple
The number one skill that you need to succeed in life encompasses the following: the ability to connect with people and sustain healthy and supportive friendships and relationships.
If you are unable to meet and connect with people you won’t go far in life. No matter how hard you work and focus on whatever you’re trying to do without people you won’t succeed. It’s just not possible and here’s why: despite our wanting to cut people out of our lives with electronic devices, computers, earbuds, or keeping our windows closed we still need to deal with people in every aspect of our lives.
If you’re an introvert you have specific challenges-you may not like dealing with too many people, you may feel a bit shy, or like to hang back and observe before diving into social situations.
If you’re an extrovert you may need to temper your enthusiasm when you meet new people because you may come across the wrong way. And as an extrovert you may need to take a step back in order to let other people shine in the moment.
If you’re a mix of extrovert and introvert, you may need to pick smaller social situations in order to make genuine connections with others. (This tends to be me)
We need people because of the following: we need friends, lovers, mentors, educators, cheerleaders, business partners, and clients.
We don’t exist on an island and who would want to?
As I make my way to FinCon14 I remember the first year that I went to FinCon. It was in Denver and I had no idea really what this blogging thing was all about. I wasn’t sure why it appealed to me and couldn’t figure out why there would even be a conference for bloggers. It was in Denver and I only had to spend $100 for the ticket. It was a no-brainer. I went and I was nervous the whole time.
I am by nature an extrovert but in new situations where I don’t know what I’m doing, I will observe first then slowly ease into talking to people. I made some mistakes a long the way, I said a few slightly awkward things (nerves), and I made some wonderful connections.
Then, in 2013 I tried again. I went to FinCon2013 in St. Louis and I felt a lot more in control of the situation. I knew what to expect and what I was hoping to gain from the experience. I started being more like my normal rambunctious self and had a fantastic time. I still said a few awkward things (I am not p.c. and sometimes just say what I mean) I was able to temper my enthusiasm, meet some more amazing people including people whose blogs I read on a regular basis, and I got a lot out of the experience. I spent time with other attendees and even enjoyed the downtime when I was on my own.
This year as I go to FinCon14 I feel like I finally am in my stride. But, let’s be clear that it has taken almost 3 years for me to refine and be comfortable with how I connect with people in this specific setting. I should note that I also am this way at the conference for the profession that I’m in.
So, as you go through life or go to FinCon14 and are working on connecting with people don’t be too hard on yourself and keep trying. If you’re at FinCon and see me say “Hi!” I love meeting new people and understand that it’s scary. It’s scary for me too.
At the end of the day, we need people. So, I’ll keep trying to meet as many people as I can understanding that I need you just as much as you need me.
We’re in this together.
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It sounds like you have a similar personality to me, I’m a 50/50 split between extrovert and introvert. I like smaller gatherings over large ones and usually need downtime by myself to “recover” from the larger situations. Go figure I’m in sales so you think I’d be used to all these conferences and things! LOL! I still get the jitters with each one I go to until I start connecting with a few people and I feel more comfortable. I’ve gotten much better than I used to be and its exactly what you’ve said, you just have to conquer your fear and get out there, say hi to people.
I lean more towards extrovert but I grew up where it was normal to “see how” people are before you deal with them. As I’ve gotten older this tendency is a little more pronounced and so I would say I had developed some introvert tendencies. I like like my downtime because it helps me to gear up again, have fresh energy to reengage with people. I just say “Hi” to most people-some people it works with and others it doesn’t. I don’t take it personally when someone finds it weird that I’ve said “Hi” I just think that they have missed out on meeting ME! LOL.
I agree! People and relationships are the #1 thing I like to nurture in this life. Next to good health, they are the greatest commodity to have. Have fun this week!
In looking at all the things that I’ve done in life I had to: get information, support, had a listening ear, received money, was in love, etc and involved other people! I am really focusing on the quality of my relationships and trying to put more time into them. It is always worth it! Thanks Tonya.
The ability to forge authentic connections is an awesome one and it dies take practice. Hubby is not great at it – he’ll talk to anyone, but usually nervously and only about stuff that might only matter to him. I’ve talked to him about ways to do better and he brushes my advice off as stuff that he can’t do (seriously, ask them where they grew up. What they do for a living). Gotta recognize your weaknesses to improve and I love how you say it took time to hit your stride.
Kirsten I love that you used the word “authentic” in your comment. At this point if I ask people “how are you?” I will wait to really hear their answer. I’ve also started focusing very seriously on the practice of listening which doesn’t come to me naturally. I do naturally have a curiosity about other people so that helps. It has taken some time to really get totally comfortable in these situations, but I’m feeling pretty good about this year.
Great post Michelle and as a first timer at FinCon this year it helps to hear how someone navigated their way through FinCon 🙂 See you soon!
The people are super nice and pretty chill. I would expect that from a group creating their best lives. While I’m not for everyone, I don’t take it personally and keep on trucking. I’m feeling pretty good about this year and can’t wait! You’re going to have a great time, safe travels, and looking forward to meeting you soon!
Have fun at Fincon! I wish I could have made it this year just to meet all the cool bloggers that I respect and have gotten to know lever the years. You must write about it when you get back.
Thanks! Am super excited. Just a little concerned as I’m still a little sick. You will join us next year!!