I was supposed to go to goat yoga yesterday, but woke up late and decided that I couldn’t be bothered. I can always take another class later. As I began celebrating this new year of life over the weekend, I was struck by a couple of things that I thought would be important to share with you, dear readers, on my birthday.
Focus On What Matters
In the past, I would focus on everything and get worked up about stuff that ultimately didn’t matter. What other people said about me, missing out on something, my weight, my age, my singleness, etc. And, in the past year or so, I’ve just come to the realization that none of that really matters.
What matters is:
- How I talk to myself about myself. Am I kind to myself? Am I loving? Do I give myself a break when times are tough and don’t go my way? I have friends and family who struggle with negative self-talk and it’s frustrating and painful to hear and watch. Every single day I focus on telling myself how fabulous I am because if I don’t believe it…no one else will.
- How I treat other people. I’ve had people mistreat me (even recently) and I’m struck by the following sentiment “People will remember how you made them feel.” I’m not perfect, but I want people to leave an interaction with me feeling like they’ve been lifted up-not brought down.
- Being present and in the moment. People are so distracted by the day to day “noise” that occurs in their life that they aren’t present for those special moments that present themselves to them from day to day. One of my biggest priorities in the past year has been to deepen my relationships and connections with the people in my life. I’ve done a wonderful job with this in the past year and will continue to focus on it moving forward.
In the past two weeks, a friend of mine has had a parent die and another one told us of her brain tumor diagnosis. These two events really put my worries in perspective. The 25 pounds I would like to loose, not that big a deal when compared to facing my friend’s mortality.
Focus on What YOU Can Control
In your life. Currently, I’ve begun giving a talk to business groups about building up personal resilience. It’s not an easy talk to give because I have to share some of the difficult situations that I’ve experienced in my life. I am sharing this topic with others because I notice that people focus on a lot of things outside of their control:
- Aging-I have friends who talk about how old/young/etc. they are all the time (in various negative ways). It’s kind of annoying. I’m like…you have 1st world problems because at least you’re aging. In fact, I won’t be sharing my age with people anymore (unless you’re trying to date me…then, of course, you need to know). Because who cares what my age is-I’ve already told you I’m a GenXer which means I’m grown. That’s all you really need to know. Each day I wake up, I’m like, YES! Let’s do this. I don’t have time to worry about: how young/middle/old I am. That’s a waste of my time. I’m going to focus on being in the moment.
- How other people perceive you-I’m not going to be liked by everyone, so I don’t bother with that. I stay true to myself and if you don’t care for me…I’m alright with that LOL! Likewise, not everyone is going to understand the choices that I’ve made. And, that’s ok too.
- How other people live their lives-I’m a personal finance blogger. I have a ton of opinions about…everything. But, I can’t control other people’s decisions and how they live their lives. Of course, I might think that someone is making a mistake about how they spend their money. But, it’s ultimately none of my business, unless I’m taking care of their business (paying their bills).
I Can Control
- How I think about myself-When I was little, my mom used to have me look in the mirror and tell myself positive things. I didn’t know what a big deal that was until I got back into the habit during the past year. I LOVE MYSELF and no one can get in the way of that.
- My actions-I’m working on being self-aware without being annoying! I think that most people aren’t as self-aware as they need to be…
- Putting myself out there-You know, out in the world so that I can connect and meet others. It has been a wonderful experience and my podcast(s) have been one of the many ways that has aided me in getting to know more wonderful people.
Onto Other Less Meta Things
I’ve also decided to be kind to myself about my weight which used to drive me crazy. I am on a great fitness “plan” and working hard to become stronger and healthier. I’ve also decided to “let it go” and get over the actual number. I live in a very fitness focused state and my perception of being overweight is actually being skinny in another place. Again, I have a 1st World problem that I’ve eaten too much food and gained weight.
I’m having a ton of fun taking my Groov3 classes (hip hop fitness), hiking, etc. In fact, I feel great!
Finally, my dating life has picked up. Like, I can’t keep up with it. Loving every second of it. I think that mindset and confidence have played a lot in this big shift in my social life. I’m meeting guys basically everywhere. While it’s not all perfect (it’s dating) I’m having a great time meeting some pretty awesome people in town.
Have Fun
Life is short, a lot of things are horribly stressful out in the world. I’m focused on managing my happiness and wellness. Spending time with my family and friends is really what life is all about. Doing things like goat yoga, walking the Colorado Trail, and the Color Run are my way of stop taking life and myself so seriously.
So, as I celebrate my birthday today I’m counting my blessings. Loving on the people in my life. And focusing on what really matters.
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