Initially, I was going to entitle this post: I’m a whiner, maybe you’re a whiner too? But, I didn’t feel like harshing on people right at the start.
Anyway, I read a lot of books. In the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading voraciously. It is freaking cold in Colorado. It’s like weather whiplash, first it was 65 degrees-then it was -1 as the high. In moments like these I like to read. Who am I kinding, I always love to read. This week I read two completely different books that basically ended with the same premise: your results are a reflection of your actions.
So, what did I read? The first book is by one of my favorite personal finance/motivational writers Larry WInget. He is not for everyone. But, he tells the truth.
Here is an example of his work:
I love this guy because I always know where he stands and there’s no bullshit. He 100% believes that for the majority of us we are our own problem.
The other book that I read is: Make Every Man Want You. Now, as you know, I’m trying to step up my non-existent dating game. I used to find dating to be as easy as breathing. Then as my friends married and I struggled with my finances and all of us struggled with The Great Recession my dating game dwindled-with the exception of the super hot guy that I used to work with…and supervise…no, we weren’t working together at the time. It lasted too long and I should have stopped after one year. But, I didn’t 🙂
Here is an example of a passage from that book:
Your ability to be completely irresistible and make every man want you lies in the present moment. When you are fully present (meaning your full attention is in “the now”), you access the infinite source of beauty and aliveness inherent in every living creature. You become one with the cosmic intelligence and timeless magnificence of all that is.
Clearly, these are two totally different approaches to life!
I read those two books because after a year of working on my finances I realize that everything is connected. My feeling sh$tty about my finances also coincided with me feeling sh$tty about my life in general. As I felt worse and worse I ate more and I felt badly about myself.
As I dig out of the hole I was in for so long I feel like I have an opportunity to reconnect with myself and the truth of how I have been living my life. I feel like I’m emerging from a cocoon of negative thoughts…or from being buried in the detritus of my past decisions.
*picture from google images*
I, like a lot of other people, have spent a lot of time on the “woe is me train.” And, honestly, I have a lot of reasons to whine. I’ve been broke, I’ve been lonely, I’ve gained 30-35 pounds in the last 5 years, and I’ve worked the same job for 10 years.
Then, I actually looked at these list of “problems” and realize they were challenges and opportunities and I had more power over this situation than I gave myself credit for.
I dropped the ball.
I gave up on myself too easily.
That sucks.
In 2013 I worked hard on my debt. I realized that it was the same as working hard on myself. As I dug deep and gained control over my debt, I started to get a lot more focused. As I paid off my debt, I started to feel a lot happier at work…even before my evil colleague left for good. I spent a lot of time thinking, thinking about my choices, about the life I want for myself, and my role in my current place in life.
In 2013 I:
- Started taking risks again. I hadn’t realized how risk adverse I had become as a result of things that happened before and after The Great Recession.
- I became uncomfortable with where I was at and worked to change my current situation
- Was truly grateful for my job and the people that I work with. I was able to understand that I don’t resent the job. I resented my lack of action. I’m currently working on growing my own business and I am absolutely freaked out and in awe-of myself!! A huge shift…even though I am ready to leave.
- I’m working on my health and am training for my first 1/2 marathon in May.
- I started putting myself in dating situations and actually enjoyed myself.
- I got uncomfortable enough to acknowledge that I wasn’t putting my best foot forward. When I finish my No Shopping Challenge my wardrobe is changing big time! I’ll write about that in April when I’m finished with The Challenge.
- I got honest with myself and realized that I was what was standing in my own way.
Are you standing in your own way? Do your thoughts and actions block: love, wealth, good health, and progress? My thinking made me a victim instead of a victor. I want to be a person who triumphs over the the obstacles that stand in my way, I don’t want to be know for giving up on myself.
I’m over being a victim. I’m better than that. As my head gets back into the game I finally understand that I have more control over what happens in my life. We all do.
Don’t become a victim of your circumstances. Take a step back, figure out where you are and make a plan. Take control over your life. I wish that I figured this out a few years earlier. I didn’t. So, I’ll get over it and I’ll stop looking back. I can’t change what I’ve done before, all I can do is be in the now and look forward.
So, I’m going to end this post with what I am doing:
- I am working hard on my self-esteem and how I present myself-for myself! Mani-pedis, hooked up hair, dressing the way that makes me like a Rock Star. I used to look in the mirror and I wasn’t conceited-I was convinced! I loved being me. Everyone should love what they see in the mirror.
- Work on my Freelancing. I’ve already written about that before. That’s part of my risks that I will be taking this year. This is huge for me because I am a state employee. That is a pretty secure situation, but that security is stifling me and it’s time to take a leap of faith in myself.
- Having fun dating and getting myself out there. I won’t be talking about finding “The One” anymore except in a guest that I’m writing that will be published in April. I will find love. But, in the meantime, I need to focus on being in the moment and enjoying my single life. A la Bridget-from Money After Grad. She’s right about this. I used to really enjoy doing tons of things that I loved and I stopped. So, I will be focusing on doing what I enjoy. Taking dance classes, volunteering, taking cooking classes, gardening, travel (towards the end of the year), and hanging out with family and friends.
- Focus on my health and well-being. My weight bothers me. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m working on it and that’s all I have to say.
If you are feeling stuck or feel like your life isn’t going the way that you would like it to, I would like to encourage you to take sometime to think about what you’re unhappy with in your life. Make a list. Then, make a list of what your habits are-think about how they are moving your towards what you want in life. Then, write a list of what you can do to change your life.
Start.
Latest posts by Michelle (see all)
- How Work Policies Against Black Women Birthed a Love of the Soft Life - 20 March, 2024
- How Taylor Swift’s IP Victory Could Change the Business of Music - 28 February, 2024
- Why Don’t More Personal Finance Content Creators Talk About Policy - 16 January, 2024
Beautiful post, Michelle. I love this idea that we stand in our way. I’m leaving my job in May and I’m finding myself wanting to back out because I do not have the courage to do it. Must get out of my way and let life happen!
Thanks Michelle! Considering that we work in the same field and have the same kind of job security you totally understand how scary it is for me to take the leap. I have friends who aren’t progessing in other parts of their life because they won’t make substantive changes in their life. I don’t want to continue making that mistake. Sometimes security is a trap.
I work really hard to never play the victim card. I blame myself (not in a self-deprecating way, I don’t think, just in a realistic way) for controllable shit that goes wrong in my life and then I correct it. I used to be so negative and “woe is me” about everything and I don’t stand for it anymore. It’s useless and stupid and produces no positive results. /endrant 🙂
I think that in today’s culture it is very easy to place the blame on everyone else. That’s unfortunate because we are in control of so much more than we think. As I work on the things that I can control I feel so empowered. I want other people to be in control of what they can be and feel empowered!
I would love to take some dance and cooking classes but I have to focus on frugal activities the rest of this year so I can put money towards retirement and travel. Same with clothes. Man I’d love a refreshed wardrobe but I feel to cheap to get new things! 🙂 I had never heard of that guy before. Liked that video. So true!
I’m still trying to figure out what my priorities are and then budget from there. Luckily, my wardrobe requirements are a lot smaller than before…I just want a lot better quality. There are a number of items that I need to replace after not shopping for a year.Larry Winget rocks-but, he is not going to blow smoke when he tells people what he thinks! You should check out some of his books.
Man how can your weather be so changeable?! Between summer and winter here a variance from most to least is probably 15-20 degrees, max. Yikes.
Our main challenge this year will be adjusting to one totally variable income and saving, while reining in T and his spendthrift ways. He’s better than he used to be of course but he’s never going to be a naturally frugal person.
Our weather is crazy. I am a frugal person with some expensive tendencies! Think-good food, travel, and expensive fun activities. I don’t pay for cable, like to get free things, and don’t have a car. That being said, I have learned a lot of discipline in the past year and I feel really proud of myself. It’s an ongoing effort 🙂 You and T can work together on his habits. I think there is always a saver/spender in each couple.
Great post, Michelle! I think security can be a trap at times. I was very secure in my first job, and then went to grad school. I regretted leaving, but I am a stronger person for it. And now with everything that has happened, I feel like new things have arrived in my life and I am open to new possibilities. I know you are getting there too! We have so many mental blocks we just have to move through!
I appreciate your perspective. I think that people forget that they need to make room/make changes for new things to come into their lives. The more I: use up my stuff, get rid of clutter (no, my place wasn’t a hot mess), downsize, and focus on changing my job, the more space I make to let things in…like a man! LOL. As I take control over the things in my life that frustrate me, I’m irritated by the amount of time I spent whining. Oh well, I’m over that now.
Great post Michelle! I’ve taken on some of the same thoughts and actions, even though from a different source and perspective. My goal is to live like the person I want to be every day. I have spent so much time stifled by fear – so afraid to take one step forward, and then being depressed a year later because I’ve accomplished nothing but pining after desires I’ve done nothing to attain. NO MORE! I look forward to reading about your experiences and progress.
Fear is such a frustrating emotion and state of being. I spent so much time being afraid that I didn’t take risks that probably would have made me really happy. At this point, I want to be “selfish” and put myself first. You’re right-asking yourself “who is the person you want to be?” is a deep and very important question. I’ve found blogging to be a big part of my gaining clarity on that very question.